New GOP candidates on horizon

Fresh off last night’s victory on “American Idol,” country crooner Scotty McCreery has emerged from a dwindling field of potential candidates as a leading contender for the Republican presidential nomination.

Garnering a majority of over 120 million ballots cast on last night’s season finale, the 17-year-old grocery bagger from North Carolina demonstrated his ability to get out the vote among the critical younger demographic.

GOP party officials had been concerned about announcements from high-profile Republicans like Mike Huckabee and Mitch Daniels that they would not run in 2012. The declared field so far includes lackluster names like Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich that have not generated a lot of excitement among the independent voters that will be needed for victory.

“I definitely have ‘Scotty Fever’,” said Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee. “Such a fresh face on the national scene is bound to get us over the hump and into a competitive position to defeat President Obama.”

Priebus addressed concerns that McCreery, a full 18 years short of being constitutionally old enough to run for president, is not fit for the nation’s highest office.

“He’s taking both a civics class and a government class as part of his high school studies,” Priebus said. “I know he’s just a junior this year, but in the fall he’ll be a senior and by the time November of 2012 rolls around, he’ll be attending Suffolk County Community College. He’s said he plans to major in heating and air conditioning repair there, which will be helpful in the critical Sunbelt states.”

The GOP chairman dismissed concerns about the legality of electing a teenager to be commander-in-chief when the Constitution clearly states candidates must be at least 35 years old.

“Constitution, Schmonstitution,” Priebus said. “We only follow that when we feel it suits our needs.”

When asked about the rumors swirling around him, McCreery appeared to leave the door open to a possible candidacy.

“I’m right honored to be considered,” said the polite Southerner, who could help Republicans win in his home state, which went Democratic in 2008. “I think my bagging experience could be a big plus. Just like you need to put canned goods on the bottom and baked goods on the top, so too does our country need to make a responsible fiscal policy our bedrock while spending for social programs can get crammed in the top, if there’s room.”

“And I’m not carrying your bags out to your car for you, either,” McCreery said. “Those kinds of entitlements must end.”

McCreery’s possible entry into the race comes on the heels of reports that several other unconventional candidates may toss their hats into the ring. Among those mulling a run include vintage cartoon characters Quick-Draw McGraw and Huckleberry Hound, a box of glazed donuts, 1960s pop group The Turtles, the geological formation known as the Athabasca Oil Sands, last Friday’s horoscope, an iPad, and 19th-century president Franklin Pierce.

Our 45th president?

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