A look at my own personal 2011 fashions

Warm weather is right around the corner, which means it’s time for the Fall Fashion Preview.

I don’t know if anybody truly understands why the fashion industry unveils its spring and summer collection in October and its fall and winter line at this time of year. I’m sure there’s some kind of “official” explanation involving the difficulty that sensitive artists have in understanding concepts of time and climate, and how much lead time is necessary to get the latest trends into boutique. Not to mention the tricky logistics when some of the clothing is made of perishable foodstuffs.

There’s much that I don’t know about fashion, a fact that is self-evident if you’ve ever seen me in real life. I guess people buy clothing not only to hide their shameful nakedness and to keep warm, but also so they can feel better about themselves. They want to feel “kicky” or “sophisticated” or “chic” or “trendy” in addition to feeling “not in violation of local obscenity ordinances.” There’s an emotional connection about being properly clad that can’t be fully explained.

Me, I’m all about rationality and efficiency and simplicity. If I were appointed king of the world and could rule by unchallenged fiat, we would all be wearing grey one-piece jumpsuits day and night, spring and fall, to cocktail parties and to kids’ soccer matches and to wife-swapping orgies. If instead of king, I was only made a military strongman yet still had to deal with a legislative or judicial branch, I might be willing to concede that a lighter grey could be permitted during the summer and a darker grey in the winter, but I’d hold the line there.

If I have a personal style at all, it could probably best be characterized as “distressed.” A few seasons back, when the trend toward ripped jeans and hole-pocked tops first made the scene, I might have been all the rage. Now, there are people prancing down the catwalks of Paris wearing giant lion masks as headwear. There are models wearing tattoos that mimic Sansabelt slacks. The fashion statements among the avant-garde set range from couture chic to “I love Hitler”. There’s very little that a 57-year-old man can relate to.

So I rock what I want, and I roll with what works for me. If fashion is really all about individuality, then my theories about wearing clothes until they fall apart make perfect sense.

Let’s take a look at a few of the pieces in my own personal 2011 line.

This is a favored shirt that I actually wore to work just yesterday. Since it was Sunday, I figured casual was the order of the day, and nothing says casual like a frayed collar and faded pastel stripes. Actually, I was hoping my boss would send me home for inappropriate attire, but no such luck.

These socks may have seen better days, I'll admit. The holes at the heels are barely noticeable though when you wear shoes. While I appreciate the cool airiness that ventilated clothing offers, that has to be weighed against the fashion sense of bloody blisters sending a crimson stain down the heel of your shoe.

Underclothes may not be visible to the outside world, but style is still important to your individual self-esteem. These gently worn boxers (circa 1987) were recently retired when the two leg holds were joined by a third opening in the crotch. I probably could've gotten another year's wear out of them but I was getting tired of putting my foot through the crotch-hole when I donned the shorts in early-morning darkness.

If our truest self if comprised of our spirit, our emotions, our heart and our mind, then the physical body is really just another thing we wear. Mine is just about as vintage as they come. If you look closely, you might spot a chic stubble. I call it my "March Sixth Shadow," similar to a 5 o'clock shadow but instead the result of not shaving for the entire weekend. I wonder if Goodwill would take this off my hands.

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One Response to “A look at my own personal 2011 fashions”

  1. Paul Dixon Says:

    What a treat! I haven’t seen your underwear since 1973.

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