Revisited: Tea Party reaches out to the young

MIAMI, Fla. (Feb. 18) — Organizers of the conservative Tea Party movement are looking to the future by recruiting more young people to join the anti-government cause.    

One such example can be found in “Lady Ann and Lady Diane’s Teas,” a group of Libertarian 6-to-12-year-old girls who fondly recall an America where ladies could dress in gloves and pearls, enjoy tiny flower-shaped sandwiches and celebrate the days when Queen Victoria was president.    

“Dressing up is so much fun!” said chapter president Lady Diane. “In our party, you’ll feel as if you’ve been transported back to a time when only the gracious held power in this country. Each of our elegant soirees will provide an atmosphere of refinement and charm in which to rail against the socialist Obama and his Stalinist henchmen.”    

The collection of lace-bedecked young ladies espouse the same anti-tax, anti-spending, anti-stimulus position as the national Tea Party organization, but do so in a setting festively decorated with pink bow sashes, antique china plates, minks, wraps and fans.    

“It’s time to get the Washington bureaucrats out of office and let real Americans take their country back,” said a 7-year-old who identified herself only as Madelyn. “And while you’re up, I’d like another scone, if you please.”    

Unlike the boisterous crowds that often heckled congressmen during town hall meetings, this new generation of arch-conservatives and white supremacists are mindful of the proper etiquette necessary to stage a reactionary coup with poise and style.    

“I just adore the old country roses and the Lady Carlyle fine English serving pieces,” said 11-year-old Addison. “And the sterling silver tongs would be just right to impale (former House Speaker) Nancy Pelosi.”    

Members are careful to stress that despite their fondness for all things crystal and gold-rimmed, they remain committed to the cause of a smaller government that stays out of private enterprise, offers no health care to its citizens, and detests all who are not as darling and precious as they are.    

“And we’re dead-set against any liberal reform of immigration law that lets more undesirables cross over our borders,” said Chloe, age 8. “Especially boys.”    

Dressed in a lovely hat with netted veil and carefully holding a tasty tea savory in one hand and a placard reading “No Publik Opshun” in the other, 10-year-old Caitlyn described herself as a former Republican who grew disenchanted over the party’s close relations with Wall Street.    

“I prefer a tea cozy, not a cozying up to the big banks,” the delightful little lady said.    

“Show us the birth certificate,” demand (from left) Abigail, Hannah, Leah and another Abigail. “Or get the hell back to Kenya.”
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