Sorry about that whole Tuesday thing

I’d like to formally apologize for my post from Tuesday of this week. In a vulgarity-laced send-up of an Obama gone wild with anger over the Gulf oil spill, I used more profanity in one day than I had previously used in one year. I employed no less than six “f-bombs” (three of which were modified by your “mother”), several “a-holes,” and a shitload of “shit’s”.

I’d like to apologize, but actually the blue language sent my readership up 35% over the previous day.

Seriously, though, I am sorry for my failed judgment. I know that dirty words make for easy laughs. I like to think that my attempts at humor are a little more cerebral than that, at least the parts that don’t discuss road kill (Wednesday’s post), the hotness of our state’s next governor (Monday), or a misunderstanding of the word “fallacious” (Friday). I generally keep my work studiously clean, unlike the back seat of my car and my thoughts about a certain assistant grocery store manager.

It was my faithful readers who were helpful enough to point out the error of my ways. Paul Dixon, the college roommate who helped me first discover the lure of the forbidden in the works of classical composer Dieterich Buxtehude, commented simply “Dern, Davis, lay that satire on with a trowel, why don’tcha?”, then added “well, it’s your blog, not mine. Better days ahead.” Another reader, Tom1950, said the Obama piece was “just a touch over the top. The language doesn’t bother me at all, but the association … with our head of state is pretty raw. More shocking that funny in my opinion.”

I also got a kind note from BiggerFaster recommending a male extension product, but frankly I’m fairly satisfied with my current postal service.

I knew the Tuesday post (read it here, if you dare: was pushing the limits of good taste. I told myself, however, that it was not gratuitous blasphemy I was using, but rather it was critical to the point I attempted to make. Using the real naughty words was key to mocking the criticism President Obama was getting for not showing more passion about the oil spill. It’s the same valid explanation made all the time by Hollywood actors and actresses who normally eschew on-screen proctological exams unless they’re essential to character development and the director’s artistic vision.

I’m also sorry I’m making this apology in the same week that veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas was making her mea culpa for wondering why all the Israelis don’t move back to Germany. Humility can be quite the sexy thing when done by the likes of an Eliot Spitzer or a Serena Williams, and I’d prefer to be sharing the humble pie with a couple of firecrackers like those two. This person …

 …is “sorry” on so many levels that it’s easy to lose count.

Next time I feel the need to launch a string of expletives in this space, I’ll follow the advice of Tom1950. We had a nice little correspondence on the subject of my indiscretion, and he suggested that fonts with dingbats like those that depict “cussing shown in comic strips” can make thoroughly adequate substitutes. I’m not a fan of the traditional @#%$&! you’ll so often see there, because these days it looks more like a Twitter account than a swear word. But the WordPress editing program does offer an exhaustive suite of special characters that might suit my purposes perfectly.

So to those of you impatient with the president’s cool and reasoned approach to dealing with this environmental catastrophe off the Gulf coast, I say “ξδΩΦζβΣ”. I just hope I didn’t call you an “bastard” in Greek.


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5 Responses to “Sorry about that whole Tuesday thing”

  1. tom1950 Says:

    Now that was pretty ξδΩΦζβΣ funny, except for that scary-looking blob near the bottom.


  2. Tammy Says:

    I like your blogs just the way they are…even “that” one. lol. It was all in fun. Cuss words are ugly, this is true…but they are EVERYWHERE! If ya wanna avoid these horrible words…ya better never go anywhere and stay away from most tv, movies, and the public! 😉

    • tom1950 Says:

      Tammy, you missed the whole point here. It’s not about the language. I spent over 20 years in the Navy and could probably burn your house down with just words. The office of the President is just that – an office. And, as such, deserves respect even though you might disagree completely with the policies or personality (or both) of the current officeholder.

      I also agree that language such as that is everywhere, but that still doesn’t make it socially correct. It was a great post but the attributions to the President was a bit disrespectful. The President, after all, was my boss for twenty years. And I went through a few of them; some good some bad, but all deserving of a salute if I was near them.


  3. fakename2 Says:

    Well, Davis, for another take on that…it was a shocking departure for you, precisely as it would have been if the President spoke similarly, and I thought that was the point. I’m not sure the point would have been made as vividly with a string of ampersands and dollar signs.

  4. tychy Says:

    i think that david cameron got off altogether too lightly with only being called a “major prick.”

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