Final “thoughts” from the NRA convention

Wrapping up my coverage of the weekend’s NRA convention in Charlotte, the following is a collection of quotes that may or may not have been made at the big gun confab. About half of these are real and the other half are invented by me. See if you can guess which is which. (Answers are at the end).

A. “I don’t think there’s another member of Congress who buys more ammunition in a year than I do.” — U.S. Rep. Heath Shuler (D-N.C.)

B. “The pen is mightier than the sword, it’s true. But your semiautomatic is mightier than my chalkboard, so I’m going to sit down now.” — Fox pundit Glenn Beck, after his 45-minute presentation

C. “You OK with special? You don’t always like to be called special.” — Actor Chuck Norris, speaking to a mentally handicapped fan

D. “The rocking community has always been supportive of a well-armed militia and private gun ownership. The Beatles sang ‘Happiness is a Warm Gun’. Pat Benatar sang ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’. And watch for my new album, titled ‘Shoot It In the Head (It’s Still Breathing)'”. — Musician and pro-gun activist Ted Nugent

E. “The Tea Party is here. The Tea Party is everywhere. Soon, we will TP the entire nation.” — Tea Party leader Mark Williams

F. “The Clinton White House was absolutely convinced that pushing gun control would help it politically. Then, in 1994, we cleaned their clocks. They didn’t even see it coming. Sort of like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.” — Chuck Norris

G. “My own father was shot with a handgun and yet I still support the Second Amendment. After all, it’s not like he died from it.” — Radio commentator Michael Reagan, son of former president Ronald Reagan

H. “I’d feel safer with two empty chambers in Congress than I’d feel with one empty chamber in a six-shooter against my temple. Throw the bums out!” — Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl

I. “I have bad news for those (anti-hunting) groups. Bambi’s mother is dinner.” — Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin

J. “Man is the most dangerous and elusive game and, quite properly, we don’t hunt him. But tracking a chimp can offer a similar thrill. Check out our new Monkey Hunt Club, and Bag Yourself a Bonzo.™” — Brochure for a new wildlife park in rural South Carolina

K. “We can hunt for anything you want to hunt for here. There’s some good hunting to be had. We’ve got fishing and hunting and NASCAR.” — North Carolina Gov. Bev Perdue

L. “You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. So this is probably a good time to go ahead and take it.” — Video produced by former NRA president Charlton Heston, shortly before his death in 2008

M. “Criminals are to blame for crime.” — Sarah Palin

Actual quotes: A, C, F, I, K, M. Not actual quotes: B, D, E, G, H, J, L.

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2 Responses to “Final “thoughts” from the NRA convention”

  1. planetross Says:

    “Criminals are to blame for crime.”

    … is that like “animals are to blame for anime”?

    note: sorry, I just see patterns sometimes.

  2. Ministry Fox Says:

    If some gun-totting weirdo took out everyone at the NRA convention, the world would be a nicer place.
    Get to it, Davis W!

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