The readers take over today

Here are some some out-of-context reader comments from the past few months.

♥ My one claim to fame is that I babysat for David Byrne’s daughter when I was 13. So back when I was in the eighth grade, I spent the day at his house, saw him in his bathrobe, got taken out to lunch by him and his wife. Later, I was like uh, dang.

♥ When the concert started, using sign language, I said, can I buy two of those from you?

♥ Keeping a well balance credit score is really important.

♥ It’s great to be old … the music doesn’t seem so loud anymore.

♥ I seem to remember that one having them stuck together too.

♥ This was the Transiberian Orchestra I attended.

♥ I have yet to buy the turkey. I’ve always had a soft spot for Rudolph.

♥ Hi there. That is very interesting place here.

♥ During a recent visit to my friend’s house, we had plenty of cheese.

♥ Sad thing is, there are human speakers of the language that would be just as hard to reason with.

♥ I went to Wal-mart last year. Never again.

♥ You and your son did well to visit the vacant places.

♥ Wow, this is weird. I took three years of German in college.

♥ I am researching some information on wall ovens so I’ve bookmarked your website.

♥ I’d love a gun. I’d play with it every day.

♥ I’d hire them if I go to Texas.

♥ I think I want to be a gardener’s assistant.

♥ For months I’ve suspected that I was reading the wrong website. Now everything is clear.

♥ It was my mom that nipped my dream right at root level when she found me rolling around on the ground in the chicken pen.

♥ Having beaten non-Hodgkins, this was good to see.

♥ But then you’d want a glass of milk. Where does it end?

♥ I always look forward to your new posts. I learn more compared to school.

♥ I believe I will wait for the Rapture to add more coolant.

♥ Death to Dublin, that’s what I say … but not out loud.

♥ I was searching for sites to see on Oahu when I came upon your webpage. I will be back in a day or two.

♥ Can you write something about the hero who kept his driveway clear of snow for an entire weekend?

♥ I’m thinking that if that were my family, Christmas with Jesus would be a lot more appealing. But only if He makes cornbread and sausage dressing for the turkey. None of that oyster or chestnut stuff.

♥ One of my main issues is that the Leonid meteor shower is too late in the year and too early in the morning. It’s too cold in November.

♥ The world would be a better place if there were an East and West Korea as well.

♥ I love food that makes me smile, full of colors and passion.

♥ I’m sorry. I fell asleep last night before I brushed my teeth.

♥ What happened to reciting the Big Mac song forwards or backwards?

♥ The guy in the last picture? He must be from an asteroid.

♥ I long for the days when there was a Star Spangled Banner.

♥ Sometimes I wish I had a career in marketing, except for the part where you get fired in a heartbeat when your ad flops or your spokesperson turns out to be a serial killer.

♥ A shrimp-flavored M&M might be a welcome change.

♥ That phone should come with some wheels, like those shoes.

♥ I’ve sat and stared at things waiting for two days to be told to go home.

♥ I put stickers of giant teeth with googly eyes and miniature bears and ice cream cones on most of the months.

♥ I’m pretty sure, for example, that I never went to the bathroom before the age of 36.

♥ How can you take a high school dropout, scrub and turn him into the PBA tour’s high average leader while he picks apart what it takes to create a 9,000-year human ecosystem?

♥ I was very disturbed when my mother told me I could not grow up and marry a mouse.

♥ I wish someone would close-caption my life. It would really help the aliens who watch me keep up with events.

♥ All competitive sports must be banned!

♥ There’s actually a person who is assigned the task of going around and unplugging all the coffee pots in the office.

♥ I can’t remember the last time I drank water.

♥ Many questions remain unanswered, such as “How did the hot dog feel?”

♥ My guess is that Howie Mandell is beating that guy over the head with a baseball bat.

♥ I was also surprised to find that Yonkers is an actual place.

♥ While texting is preferable to talking on a phone, it is still a form of communication and therefore reprehensible.

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6 Responses to “The readers take over today”

  1. Laura Says:

    I had hoped to marry a mouse too, and if I had I might still be married! Think about that.

    I’m so sorry your son is ill, hope things will improve.

  2. SWB Says:

    We’ll be praying for your son, here at SWB.

  3. spicyt Says:

    Omg…those were great! So sorry about your son…Crohns is a horrible disease. Keeping him in my prayers.

  4. duffboy Says:

    Hope you’re son recovers from his hospital stay, really soon. One of my favorites: “All competitive sports must be banned!”

  5. John Shore Says:

    Hope your son gets well.

  6. S Fox Says:

    I think I recognise a few of them as invective from my own spleenish heart. Does this make me a famous critic?

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