Olympic observations

♦ Wouldn’t it be great of one of the ski jumpers hid a jet pack under his uniform and, at the apex of his jump, lit the rocket and continued off into the distant sky?

♦ I’m not sure what “Nordic combined” is, but it sounds like an ill-conceived effort at reconciliation that Tiger Woods might attempt with his wife and another woman.

♦ Speaking of combined, I’d like to see a new winter sport that united figure skating and speed skating, in a graceful yet mad dash around the oval.

♦ The musical accompaniment used for figure skating would be a great addition to other sports as well. I just watched a heroic rendition of “Impossible Dream” in the mixed pairs competition that would sound so inspiring piped through the loud speakers at the luge course.

♦ Curling is too easy to make fun of. It strikes me as an innocent combination of shuffleboard, horseshoes, hopscotch and bowling, but done on ice. I like the frantic sweeping motion with the brooms, but wonder if the sport’s governing body should consider entering the twenty-first century and issue the curlers vacuum cleaners or Swiffles instead.

♦ That fatal crash during the luge training was truly horrible and could’ve been avoided with a more sensible track construction. Raising the walls higher is one suggested solution. They might consider raising them so high that the chute becomes totally enclosed, more of a tube. The spectators might not appreciate it, but race officials could assure them “I swear there’s a sliding competition going on in there somewhere.”

♦ One thing that the winter games is sadly missing is animal Olympians. We’re sadly reminded of this by the concurrent staging of the Westminster Dog Show in New York. Imagine the excitement of seeing a Staffordshire Bull Terrier launched from the ski jump, or the Standard Schnauzer strapped to a snowboard.

♦ If organizers want to see a giant leap in ratings, might I suggest outfitting the skaters with skis, and the skiers with skates.

♦ The choice of cross-country skiing and shooting for the biathlon seems so arbitrary. Shooting is actually the only sport in these Olympics that doesn’t involve slipping on frozen water, at least not if it’s done right. I think they should unstrap those silly rifles from their backs and substitute something that uses ice and is thus more appropriate for the dead of winter: perhaps margarita blending, or baby seal hunting, or scraping your car out of a snow drift using only a credit card.

♦ Here’s a new idea of a downhill event that could put the excitement back in Alpine skiing. Let’s see them race an oncoming avalanche.

♦ Anybody can do downhill skiing. How about some uphill skiing?

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2 Responses to “Olympic observations”

  1. tom1950 Says:

    I think that Sydney the Psychiatrist of M*A*S*H fame once outlined a great Olympian Sport:

    “Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and, slide on the ice.”


  2. Thomas Stazyk Says:

    A wonderful list of questions and observations. Curling had to be invented by people with extreme cabin fever.

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