Revisited: Alarming news from the web

The teasers for upcoming local news shows we see sprinkled throughout prime-time network TV programming can be both annoying and alarming. When they take five seconds to shout “Find out what fast foods can kill your kids” or “Earth to be destroyed by asteroid? News at 11,” we know they’re just trying to get us to watch their show later that evening. So at least we understand their logic as we run screaming into the night.

When new-media news sites do the same thing, just to get you to click through to the actual story, it doesn’t make quite as much sense. I don’t mind annoying and alarming, but unnecessary tends to get on my nerves.

The following teaser headlines are a sampling of some of the more outrageous examples I’ve seen (mostly on AOL) in recent weeks:

–Toxin found in 1 in 3 grocery foods
–Man trapped under sofa for days: Manages to survive in bizarre way
–Peek at spots only rich people get to use
–Man returned from dead: He flatlined, turned blue and his family said goodbye, then he awoke
–Woman killed for Facebook status
–Woman literally scared to death
–Singer, 60, still hot in just fishnets
–Man’s story of harassment by boss is humiliating: He’s just ‘too cute’
–Fifteen things never to say on a plane
–Bride attacked on wedding day: Sister arrested for ripping her hair out
–Teen chases parents with knives over cell phone
–Casey Anthony’s new image in court: She wears suit, hair in bun
–Chat on couch turns mortifying: Wrong move in skirt exposes star to world
–Change coming to thin mints: Bet you’re not going to like it
–Had to see for yourself: Photo shows Janet’s weight is up
–Jessica’s mom jeans aren’t flattering
–New York baker defends racist cookies
–High sex drive linked to disease
–Book will rip apart Brad and Angie (only 37% believe it’s true)
–15 women who bared (almost) for a cause
–Watch as elephants play soccer
–Kids with cell phones at risk: More likely to be hit by cars
–Katie’s hair caused a stir: We called it a ‘mullet’, you called it ‘adorable’, then it disappeared
–Could have been much worse: Star’s undies flashing has you talking
–Road named after part of anatomy
–Is Kingston or Ruby cuter? One winning by a lot
–Hotel main spilled hotel guests’ oh-so-nasty secrets
–Actress refuses to fly with her husband
–Sitting here doubles risk of death
–Lesbian to be prime minister
–Bikini-clad Spears flaunts even more of her comeback body
–Island may look harmless but it’s disease-infested
–Man in dress steals NFL spotlight
–Oprah probably won’t be happy with this list
–Potato salad step you should skip
–Most searched facial cleansers
–Lamp makes your living room ugly
–Country singer goes to market but looks like she just rolled out of bed
–Couple spends $155K on a cloned dog
–Cindy and Mandy spotted wearing same dress
–Zombies ahead, Run for your lives! Why did drivers get wacky warning?
–Girl passed out eating sandwiches: what caused her bizarre illness
–Why sexy star wore her dress backwards
–Your reaction to Brit’s comeback bod was mixed (to say the least)
–Miss Kentucky is awfully hairy
–Teen star nearly gives crew eyeful
–Celeb baby showdown: It’s a close call, but you have to pick which tiny tot is cuter
–What your face says about you

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One Response to “Revisited: Alarming news from the web”

  1. spicyt Says:

    That is hilarious! Thanks for sharing!

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