Fake News: Palin, like, likes Obama

Sarah Palin responded yesterday to criticism from fellow Republicans following reports that she “liked” President Obama’s pro-war speech while accepting the Nobel Peace Prize.

“I didn’t, like, like like it,” said the former Alaska governor. “I just thought it was cute. I think the president and I can be friends. No, not, like, boyfriend/girlfriend. Gah, you are so immature.”

Some conservatives were quick to criticize Palin for speaking positively about the president, even after he told an Oslo audience that the U.S. had a right to pursue a “just war” against those who would threaten Americans.

“Sarah likes Barack, Sarah likes Barack,” said former Rep. Newt Gingrich, a possible challenger to Palin for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. “She’s totally hot for him. Her friends told me all about it.”

Gingrich said the conflict in Afghanistan isn’t “just war,” it’s “a really cool war, with Predator drones and cave explosions and mountains with lots of snow, which means awesome snowboarding.”

Meanwhile, 2008 presidential contender Mitt Romney characterized Palin’s approval of Obama’s address as “yet another indication of how much she loves him, and I don’t mean love like you might love french fries, I mean love like you’d love a dude.”

Romney said he was privy to classified communications between Palin and Obama, including a text message the former vice-presidential candidate allegedly sent to the president. Romney said Palin’s “BFF” showed him the message, which had a photograph of a muskrat attached.

“The message was all, like, ‘check out my muskrat,'” Romney said. “She better be careful — that kind of thing could end up on the internet.”

Another potential candidate in the 2012 race, Gov. Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota, has a state right across the hall from Palin’s, and reportedly told friends that he saw a picture of the president hanging inside her locker, and heard Palin giggle to a classmate that she was going to “totally” get a tattoo of the commander-in-chief on her lower back.

“She said her brother knew a guy that could make it kinda look like (Palin’s husband) Todd when she was standing up straight, but it would morph into more of an Obama likeness when she bent over to pick up her pencil, which she planned to drop in front of him during fourth period,” Pawlenty said. “Talk about Sluts-sylvania.”

Palin defended herself against the salvo of attacks, saying there was “no way” she was about to give the president credit for a well-reasoned defense of American foreign policy “when the guy’s got nerd-ears out to here.”

“I’m not an all-inclusive loser, you know,” she said. “Well, technically, I guess I was a loser (in 2008), but the eleventh-grade me is way cooler than I was last year.”

Palin said the complete transcript of her telephone interview with USA Today would exonerate her of the “liking” charges. That transcript reads as follows:

“I liked what he said. In fact, I thumbed through my book this morning to say, wow, that that really sounded familiar, because I talked too in my book about the fallen nature of man and why war is necessary at times. And history’s lessons when it comes to knowing when it is that we engage in warfare, and a couple of the other things he said were I thought, wow, good, those are nice, a broad message, so broad that I just wrote about those and a lot of Americans are getting to read. Also, my take on when war is necessary.”

“Well, then, I take it all back,” Gingrich said after reading the transcript. “Obviously, the chick is not a ditz.”

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One Response to “Fake News: Palin, like, likes Obama”

  1. sandysays1 Says:

    Good piece of satire, Davis

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