Fake News: Lady Gaga accepted at last

Lady Gaga, who rose from the New York dance club scene to the top of the pop charts in just over a year, saw her career officially end yesterday when Mr. and Mrs. Chester C. Olssen, a middle-aged couple from Oshkosh, Wisconsin, declared they kind of liked her music.

“Some of it’s pretty catchy, at least the few songs that I’ve heard,” said Mr. Olssen, a 57-year-old banker. “I’m not too sure about some of those wild costumes she wears in her videos, but I guess that’s what the kids like. She’s definitely an attention-grabber, I’ll give her that much.”

His wife, Greta, first became aware of the singer and her music during a trip to the local Wal-Mart. She saw Lady Gaga’s latest video, Bad Romance, playing on the HDTV on display in the electronics section and listed at the everyday low price of $499.

“She’s got some pretty wacky fashion sense, that’s for sure,” said Mrs. Olssen, a registrar with the city government. “That blouse she wears that shoots sparks out of it … I definitely couldn’t pull that off with my figure, but she seems real petite. I can’t imagine wearing a top like that with my ol’ grandma jeans, though. Besides, we have a no-smoking policy in my office, and I’m pretty sure having fire spitting out of your bodice would count as smoking.”

Mr. Olssen said that he’d consider wearing an outfit similar to what he called “the red getup,” which the singer wore at the MTV awards, on a casual Friday at his workplace. However, he was concerned the face-obscuring headgear might violate bank policy.

Mr. Olssen preparing for casual Friday

“No one’s allowed in the lobby wearing a hoodie, sunglasses or a ski mask, as a precaution against robbery,” Chester said. “But as an assistant vice president who works mainly in the back office, they’d probably let me slide.”

Additional reports came in over the weekend that the pop diva’s appeal was spreading to other segments of Middle America. A six-year-old girl shopping with her mother at a Rite Aid drug store in Pocatello, Idaho, was heard to say she wanted a lunchbox featuring the artist.

“Even my baby brother is all, like, ‘ga-ga this and ga-ga that,'” young Courtney told the pharmacy manager. “Lady Gaga celebrates the idea that any kid on the street can buy a bow, stick it on their head, and be making a fashion statement. I find that ability to express myself very empowering.”

Middle school teacher Anna Tegmeier of Norristown, Pa., said she admired Lady Gaga’s many years studying music as a youngster. The performer has said that she counts classic rockers such as David Bowie and John Lennon among her biggest influences.

“She was actually set to join the Juilliard Music School when she was 11, but ended up in a Catholic school at the last minute,” Tegmeier said. “She improved her songwriting skills by composing essays and analytical papers on topics such as art, religion and socio-political order. She even wrote a song for Michael Bolton before she became famous. How cool is that?”

Weighing in from beyond the grave on Gaga’s sensational rise from obscurity to a Grammy nomination for Best Dance Recording was veteran TV newsman Walter Cronkite. Speaking through a medium, Cronkite called the hit song Poker Face “absolutely epic” and characterized the video for Paparazzi as “a classic, matching anything that Fred Astaire could’ve done at the height of his career.”

Contacted in the midst of her European tour about the rising tide of positive sentiment among those whose tastes tend toward the traditional, Lady Gaga immediately cancelled concerts scheduled in Paris and Berlin and flew home to her native Yonkers, N.Y.

“I’m no fool. I’ve been in the business long enough to know when someone is through, and I’ve come to the realization that I am so over,” Gaga told a reporter for TMZ. “I guess what I’ll do now is just roam the streets of the city and live as a crazy person. At least I already have the clothes.”

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2 Responses to “Fake News: Lady Gaga accepted at last”

  1. sandra lynn Says:

    So Hilarious!
    thanks for posting that…
    I needed a good laugh today! 🙂
    ~Sandra Lynn

  2. Door Curtains · Says:

    some poeple hate Lady Gaga, but in my opinion Lady Gaga is just a very talented and unique artist “”

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