Non-Fake News Briefs

The following news nuggets were lifted from my local newspaper in small-town South Carolina.

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Hunting season has begun in South Carolina with a tragic case of mistaken identity.

Instead of the usual case of a camouflage-wearing hunter being gunned down by accident, it was a Greenwood County ass whose life was snuffed out too early.

The donkey, yet to be identified by authorities, was standing in a rural pasture when it was shot and killed by a hunter who thought the animal was a deer. (Pointy ears do slightly resemble antlers, it should be noted.)

The donkey’s owner reportedly had placed the animal in the field to protect his goats from wild dogs. How or why a mule would go to the defense of goats was not immediately clear. The goats were uninjured in the incident, though the wild dogs were instantly domesticated.

Boyd Purdy, owner of the farm in this largely agricultural area located between Columbia and the Georgia state line, was reminded by animal control officials that if he gets a replacement donkey, he needs to dress it in a bright orange vest.

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Lawn care had become a little uncomfortable for a 50-year-old York woman, so she shucked her clothing and continued cutting her grass in the nude.

Angela Jonas was arrested by police near her Kelly Road home after a neighbor had complained that, in addition to being naked, Jones had “called and harassed” her. The neighbor said Jones had walked topless through the neighborhood on numerous previous occasions.

Police tried several times to speak with Jones when they first arrived on the scene, asking repeatedly why she was walking down the street naked from the waist up. Officers were quoted in their police report as saying she could not give a clear answer.

She did tell police that she liked to cut her lawn in the nude, so that’s why she was doing it.

She was charged with indecent exposure and remained in jail overnight on $1,000 bond.

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A trash can outside a local grocery store was engulfed in flames, causing slight damage to a nearby wall and roof.

The blaze was confined to the walkway outside the Rock Hill Bi-Lo store on East Main Street. The store’s sprinkler system extinguished the fire but not before the bin, valued at $400, was completely destroyed. Police had spotted the fiery garbage en route to another call.

Employees told police that “two homeless males” were sitting on a bench near the can earlier in the evening. No one has yet been charged in the incident.

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Students apparently unhappy about the annual return to school fired four shots at unmanned construction equipment located on the future site of a new high school.

Shotgun blasts damaged two pieces of equipment, shattering the glass in the side windows of a backhoe and front-end loader, according to a York police report.

Four bullets struck the machinery sometime over the weekend. Shotgun shells were found along the roadside near the equipment. No other machinery or buildings were damaged.

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A Rock Hill teenager was charged with petty larceny after he was caught picking coins out of a wishing fountain.

The teen reportedly was looking for enough spare change to enable him to attend a movie at a nearby theater, and have enough left over to buy a small popcorn.

A local defense attorney said the 17-year-old didn’t realize he was doing anything wrong by wading into the foot-deep water and selecting mostly quarters and dimes from the available change. The attorney said the merchants’ association which manages the shopping center should post a sign at the site reminding passers-by that stealing money is against the law.

Store owners said they’d be sure to get right on that.

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The St. Francis Animal Rescue and Adoption Center will host a Blessing of the Animals event at a weekend ceremony on their front lawn.

All animals are welcome but must be on a leash, in a cage or in a carrier, depending on what’s appropriate for the particular species. The one allowable exception is horses, which must be walked onto the property, not ridden.

Dogs, cats, hamsters, snakes, fish and birds also cannot arrive on the property holding saddled riders.

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4 Responses to “Non-Fake News Briefs”

  1. delicate flower Says:

    Well, if I can’t ride my own hamster to the Blessing then I’m not coming..

  2. planetross Says:

    I’d have issues with the neighbor.
    The neighbor’s cat deposits gems on my lawn, but I don’t think it’s being directed to do so. I just fling them back over on their side of the driveway.

    It’s the old “I didn’t know it was wrong taking money from UNICEF boxes” trick/defense at play here.

  3. planetross Says:

    I think I’ve deposited half of this comment on the wrong entry.

  4. fakename2 Says:

    Re: mowing the lawn in the nude. As much as you like yard work, I guess we can assume you haven’t tried that yet? Here in your old home town, a man fondly known as “Thong Man” had his day in court last week. He was famous for riding his bicycle around town wearing only a thong, but was recently arrested after 3 people complained that he had exposed himself. I never could really get from the news stories whether that was deliberate or more or less a matter of slippage. Thongs and bicycle seats…a dangerous combination. In any case, he announced that he has found a pair of bicycle shorts comfortable enough to wear.

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