Fake News: The sorriest people around

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Sept. 13) — Mr. Wilson continued to insist over the weekend that the dang Obama kid is a menace who deserved to be yelled at for playing in front of his House.

Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) was widely criticized last week for calling President Obama a liar during his speech before a joint session of Congress. Mr. Wilson later apologized, but continued to criticize the president for allegedly deceiving the public about details of the health care reform package currently under consideration.

“Yes, I lost my temper,” Wilson said on Fox News Sunday. “However,  he was playing in my yard after I told him a thousand times to stay off my grass.”

When the host pointed out that changing demographics making white males an ever-diminishing segment of the American population mean that “it is no longer your yard,” the three-term Republican snorted gruffly.

“Aaannhhh,” he responded. “These young punks today. What do they know?”

Wilson did reiterate his apology for the outburst that brought condemnation from both sides of the aisle.

“I was told by the House Republican leadership that I needed to offer a sincere, heartfelt apology to the president, so I did,” Wilson said. “If (minority leader) John Boehner says I need to feel and express an honest remorse, I’ll do as I’m told.”

Wilson continued to resist calls to offer an additional apology to members of Congress for violating long-established rules of decorum. He said his phone call to the White House and a statement to several reporters was sufficient.

“You know, I’m starting to feel sorry that I was sorry,” Wilson admitted. “Why do I need to issue a separate statement to the House membership? Who else is going to ask for a specific apology? The people in the gallery? Anybody who happened to be walking past a television during the address? Each separate class of vertebrates? Bah.”

Meanwhile, in other apology news, tennis great Serena Williams offered her regret for an on-court eruption at the U.S. Open Saturday. Williams had claimed a call by the lineswoman was inaccurate, and strongly indicated her desire to shove the ball down the official’s throat.

“I want to sincerely apologize first to the lineswoman, (opponent) Kim Clijsters, the U.S. Tennis Association and tennis fans everywhere for my inappropriate outburst,” Williams wrote on her website. “I need to make it clear to all young people that I handled myself inappropriately and it’s not the way to…”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” interrupted the blog of controversial rapper Kanye West. “If anybody should be apologizing here, it should be your sister Venus. She lost 6-0, 0-6, 6-4 in the third round to an unseeded player. Her serve-and-volley game just fell apart. It was terrible.”

West later apologized for his outburst, calling it “despicable, loathesome, contrary to all civilized standards of behavior, and perhaps the worst thing the world has endured since the meteor impact that destroyed thousands of species over 65 million years ago. I truly sicken myself.”

In a related story, Sarah Palin noted the flurry of publicity surrounding people who are not her, and took to her Facebook page to address the diversion of attention.

“Look at me! Look at me!” said the recently resigned Alaska governor and 2008 Republican vice-presidential candidate. “La-la-la-la, I’m dancing, I’m jumping, I’m twirling around and around. Aren’t I pretty?”

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One Response to “Fake News: The sorriest people around”

  1. morethananelectrician Says:

    Not really too fake, huh?

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