Fake News: Getting creative with constituents

Both senators and representatives continue to be badgered by mostly older citizens in meetings held around the country to discuss details of the health care package currently under consideration in Washington. Many of the protestors appear to be incited by Republican lobbyists and conservative pundits who have spread apparent misinformation about the plan. Much of the discourse has turned hostile and confrontational.

To counter the attacks, some members of Congress have devised measures to calm the crowds and attempt to clarify the most confused portions of the electorate. Some are turning to innovative measures to win opponents to their side while others are meeting fury with fury.

Sen. Arlen Specter (D-Pa.) faced the wrath of one irate constituent who accused the senator of “trampling on our Constitution,” adding angrily that one day Specter would “stand before God and he’s going to judge you.” Specter said he could find the unemployed steelworker a position with the group being set up to visit the homes of the elderly and offer advice on how they might commit suicide.

“You know, I might like that,” said Craig Miller of rural Berks County. “That Maxine woman down the street from me is always giving me the evil eye, and I’d like it right fine if I could tell her where to get off. And when.”

Meanwhile, Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.), the nation’s oldest living legislator at age 92, met with several outspoken opponents of healthcare reform in his Huntington office. When one of them challenged Byrd to show how the program could be enacted without a tax increase, the still-feisty senator lunged across a table, grabbing the questioner by the throat.

“Son of a bitch, I’m going to kill you!” Byrd shouted. “I’m going to beat the hell out of your sorry ass and then hang it on a fence post.”

Democratic Senator Bill Nelson of Florida has declined to use the town hall format, saying many of his state’s aged citizens have difficulty leaving their homes. He at first offered to hold meetings online, but numerous retirees criticized the plan, with one telling reporters “I spent years standing online back in the city and now I’m too tired.”

Nelson said his office would revert to more traditional methods of communication to address his state’s residents. For some, he would explain his position in a neatly lettered note slipped under the door, while larger groups might watch a dramatization staged by dinner theatre groups across Florida. He did meet with one collection of members from the Centenary Club, all of whom had surpassed age 100, and presented his position in Morse Code.

“Dot dot dash dot dash,” Nelson told the group at the Daytona Beach Retirement Village. “Dash dot dot dash.”

“DASH DOT DASH DASH DOT DOT DASH!” responded Harry Lieberman, a 103-year-old former banker irately. “DASH DOT DASH SOCIALIST DASH DOT OBAMA DASH DASH BLACK GUY.”


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One Response to “Fake News: Getting creative with constituents”

  1. Leese Says:

    Specter is the anti-Christ

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