Fake News: Moon landing was staged

WASHINGTON (July 20) – Apollo 11 astronauts who gathered at the White House yesterday to mark the fortieth anniversary of their 1969 moon landing stunned onlookers by suggesting their entire mission was a hoax.

Retired Air Force pilot Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin made the announcement shortly before meeting with President Obama that he was “tired of living a lie” and said that conspiracy theorists who suggested the lunar trip was staged for cameras as a way to restore American prestige were “basically right.”

“The whole thing was shot at the Area 51 UFO landing site in Nevada, with the aliens captured in that failed 1948 attempt to invade Earth serving as our consultants,” Aldrin told shocked reporters and NASA officials. “It was a very convincing piece of film that we put together, thanks in part to the brilliant cinematography of Lee Harvey Oswald.”

Aldrin, who has been the only member of the three-man Apollo crew to remain in the public eye over the years, countered a brief challenge from fellow astronaut Michael Collins that the trip to the lunar surface could be a fraud.

“I was there, Buzz,” Collins interrupted. “I was the guy staying behind in the command module while you and Neil (Armstrong) took the ‘Eagle’ down to the surface.”

Aldrin, who battled alcoholism following his retirement from the space program, said that he and Armstrong maneuvered their tiny landing craft out of view of Collins, rendezvoused with a nearby “super-rocket” left in orbit during a previous mission and returned quickly to Earth to film the 20-minute segment in the desert. That film was then released by NASA to a worldwide audience that was told it documented an actual visit to the moon, he said.

A reporter asked the soft-spoken Armstrong if this were true, and he either said “hunh” or “yunh,” nobody was quite sure. Collins also chose not to pursue the matter further, commenting “whatever” when asked if the remarkable claim could be true.

Aldrin has long been an outspoken advocate of space travel, teaming up recently with Snoop Dogg, Quincy Jones and Soulja Boy to create a rap single and video titled “Rocket Experience.” He has been a proponent of a manned flight to Mars, suggesting the cost of such a project could be controlled if those astronauts were not returned to Earth.

Aldrin admitted that a trip to the moon would be “good practice” before undertaking the two-year journey to the red planet. He said a crew of three could accomplish the lunar effort using existing technology within the next few months.

“I’ve even picked out what would be the perfect team,” Aldrin told the rapidly dispersing crowd on the White House lawn. “I think (Michael’s mother) Katherine Jackson, (third-place British Open finisher) Lee Westwood and one of those Humboldt squids (recently reported in large numbers off the San Diego coast) would work great together.”

“Those jumbo flying squids are only about a hundred pounds, yet still have razor-sharp beaks and very strong toothy tentacles,” he said. “They’d do a terrific job of protecting Katherine from any moon-man attacks. And I think Lee has proven with his sweet swing that he could keep the mother ship on course.”


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4 Responses to “Fake News: Moon landing was staged”

  1. oscarstavern Says:

    I know it was true – I saw it on TV! LOL

    Funny Post!!!!!

  2. Sharad Bapat Says:

    Uhh… the most debated space mission…. covering headlines in India too..

  3. Wipe your Feet, you have Moon Dust on them! « Oscars Tavern Says:

    […] Maybe I’m overlooking things. This was a man on the moon!  and I DO believe we did it!  Davis W wrote a fun post about it. Check it out!  Maybe we’ll step on Mars next.  That is after […]

  4. Skip Dekades Says:

    And Katherine probably learned from her son how to moon walk, so she indeed would be perfect.

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