Fake News: Size of hole in plane debated

CHARLESTON, W. Va. (July 15) – Conflicting accounts of an incident aboard a Southwest Airlines 737 that forced an emergency landing here continued to filter in to investigators yesterday. A hole opened in the fuselage during the Nashville-to-Baltimore flight Monday, deploying oxygen masks into the laps of terrified passengers.

Catastrophic decompression at the cruising altitude of 30,000 feet can occur with even a pinhole-size breach in the aluminum skin of the aircraft. Rapid loss of air pressure in such a scenario can sweep occupants out of the airplane and to their deaths.

Initial reports said the hole was “football-size,” though a spokesperson for Southwest revised that later to say it was “more like the shape of a toaster, or a really large shoe.” A maintenance official who examined the aircraft shortly after its arrival here characterized the gap as “comparable to the size of a beagle.”

However, a representative of Boeing, who manufactured the 15-year-old airliner, told a local reporter that the tear was “about the size of a pillow, or perhaps a Sunday newspaper, but similar in shape to a laptop or phonebook.”

Officials at Southwest’s headquarters in Dallas continued to stand by their story that the opening was “no bigger than a cinderblock or a Tickle Me Elmo doll.”

A Maryland teenager who was sitting only two rows from the site of the rip told a Baltimore TV station “I just heard this loud boom and I could hear air rushing in. I was like I never thought it was ever going to happen to me in a million years. I had no idea if we were going to live or if it was going to get bigger.”

Fourteen-year-old Colleen Connolly said she got a good look at the hole as she and her cousin donned their masks, and said it was “at least as big as the head of the flight attendant, maybe as big as a roast, not the bone-in kind but more like a boneless pork roast.”

Michael Cunningham, another passenger on Flight 2294 who was taking a nap when the mishap occurred 30 minutes into the flight, dismissed the size comparisons as unimportant.

“The roof of the plane had a hole in it. We figured we were doomed,” Cunningham said. “Whoever said it was ‘football-sized’ has lost sight of the bigger picture. I repeat, the plane had a hole in it.”

“We weren’t concerned about whether or not we could toss a pigskin around the cabin without it flying out into the troposphere,” he said. “Any size sports ball at that altitude would be unacceptable.”

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2 Responses to “Fake News: Size of hole in plane debated”

  1. GoingLikeSixty Says:

    Funny!!!
    My pet peeve along the same lines is the tornado/wildfire/explosion/hurricane/high winds… that “look like a war zone.”

    I guess the soldiers in a war zone say “looks like a tornado?”

  2. Anonymously Secret Says:

    LOL! Who cares whether if it’s the size of a turkey or a chicken! The real main point is: there’s a hole on the roof of the plane, so you’re suppose to be screaming hysterically or begging Jesus for your life! Sheesh…

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