Fake News: More celebrities tragically die

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (July 6) – The entertainment world continued to reel yesterday from tragic losses in its ranks with the sudden deaths of three more giants of the industry.

Shelley Long, 59, the actress who portrayed Diane on the long-running NBC comedy series “Cheers,” was found dead in the rubble of her collapsed home in Topanga Canyon. She was apparently crushed to death when a magnitude 7.9 earthquake struck the Los Angeles area early Wednesday morning.

Tony Kubek, 72, long-time sports announcer and an infielder for World Series champion New York Yankees in the early 1960s, was caught in a massive landslide following the quake in the foothills near his Encino residence, and later died at a nearby hospital. He had been visiting relatives in the area when the disaster struck.

Sharon Osbourne, 57, who managed her husband Ozzie’s rock music career before co-starring in a number of TV shows with her family, was evidently washed out to sea when an epic tsunami engulfed her SUV along a coastal road about 15 miles north of San Diego. Witnesses said the giant wave may have been as large as 35 feet tall. Officials identified her by a pocketbook found later at the scene that contained her identification papers.

The catastrophic seismological event that rocked the southern half of the state for an estimated 25 minutes also killed an estimated three million ordinary residents.

All three stars were mourned by their show business peers, at least the ones who could be contacted amid widespread communications and electrical outages that caused survivors to rampage through the streets in a desperate search for food, water and shelter.

“Shelley was a pure joy to work with,” said actor Ted Danson when told of Long’s death. “This is just a tremendous loss.”

“Tony was a really special man,” said fellow broadcaster Joe Buck of Kubek. “His love of baseball was absolute. What a blow to the sports world.”

“I saw her (Osbourne) on TV a couple of times,” said the similarly named Sharon Stone. “She seemed like a nice enough person.”

Federal officials rushed disaster aid to the state as President Obama declared a national emergency. Most survivors reported, however, that they didn’t see any point in going on with their lives after losing three such brilliant luminaries from the pantheon of American celebrities.

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6 Responses to “Fake News: More celebrities tragically die”

  1. theoldsilly Says:

    A veritable tsunami wave of celebrity deaths, it seems.

    The Old Silly

  2. marstead Says:

    Good stuff.

  3. The Fark Knight Says:

    Add Mick Jagger to the mix and the nation shall be ready to go to war!!!!

  4. caffeinatedmind Says:

    I wonder whether Carradine’s death was tragic too.:-)

  5. karenlgj Says:

    I shall mourn Ms. Long– I loved Troop Beverly Hills. Epic.

  6. windmillfighter Says:

    Made me accidentally snort up a drink, thanks for the laugh.

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