It’s funny because they’re Republicans

WASHINGTON, D.C. (June 17) – The suddenly sensitive Republican Party continued its attack on the American comedy community yesterday, with several prominent representatives calling for repudiation of a number of widely repeated jokes.

Leading the charge was radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who strongly criticized the May issue of Reader’s Digest for printing an imagined conversation between a duck and the employee of a drug store.

“What did the duck say to the cashier about his purchase of lip balm?” the periodical asked. “Just put it on my bill.”

Limbaugh said the gag was an inappropriate representation of the type of everyday commerce that drives the American economy.

“To suggest that a duck could communicate on such a level with a human being shows the mainstream media’s strong prejudice toward an excessive respect for animals,” Limbaugh told his nationwide audience. “It shows how the radical PETA agenda is seeping into our society.”

In a similar attack on bird humor, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich condemned the makers of Bazooka Joe bubble gum for asking “why did the chicken cross the road?” The response about “getting to the other side” discounts the danger of having poultry wandering the nation’s highways, Gingrich said.

“To make light of such an obvious traffic hazard just shows poor judgment,” the Georgia Republican told Fox News. “What if a school bus came along and had to swerve to avoid the chicken in question? Would that be funny? Frankly, I don’t think it would be.”

Meanwhile, a quartet of leading Congressional Republicans appeared on the steps of the Capitol to call into question a whole series of supposedly comic yarns that displayed insensitivity toward groups that have traditionally been viewed as largely powerless in society. Each took a brief turn before assembled reporters to show their distaste for the stories while trying not to laugh.

House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) admitted that although it was possible to tell that an elephant was in your refrigerator by the footprints in the Jello, such an observation tended to belittle what he called “Pachydermo-Americans,” and could also be viewed as a slur against the GOP in general.

Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) re-told the tale of why the math book was so unhappy – “because it’s full of problems” – but said he didn’t find it amusing that children in America’s public schools would hear such an important subject belittled.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said he could understand that a sun-burned penguin “is indeed black and white and red all over” but contended he “just didn’t find that suggestion all that funny,” and feared it contained hidden allusions to global warming.

 Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.), head of the Republican Policy Committee, said that claiming the little moron was carrying a ladder “because he wanted to go to high school” showed a disrespect for the handicapped that bordered on contempt.

“This so-called joke not only defames the mentally challenged but also those of a small stature,” Ensign said. “It infers that certain citizens of our population need the aid of large-scale hardware to gain access to public institutions that should be open to all.”

Ensign added that he was resigning his leadership position within the GOP because he had an affair with a female staffer whom he rewarded with a new position and an increase in salary following their liaison. He confirmed the relationship publicly without first notifying aide Cynthia Hampton or her husband Doug, also a member of his staff. Ensign is a member of the Christian ministry Promise Keepers, which promotes fidelity in marriage.

“Now that’s funny,” said one observer.


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One Response to “It’s funny because they’re Republicans”

  1. delicate flower Says:


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