News is fake, but quotes are real

Outspoken members of the Republican right wing continued their surprising displays of support for Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor with several comments made in recent days.

Leading the outpouring of goodwill was conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh, who said the Latina that President Obama picked to succeed Justice David Souter was similar to one of his idols, former Ku Klux Klan grand wizard David Duke.

“She would bring a form of bigotry and racism to the court,” Limbaugh said in praising the Bronx-born jurist on his Monday talk show. “Not only does she lack the appropriate judicial temperament, it’s worse than that.”

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich also joined in the accolades for Sotomayor, calling her a “racist.”

“Imagine a judicial nominee who said ‘my experience as a white man makes me better than a Latina woman,’” Gingrich said dreamily.

Former Colorado Republican Congressman Tom Tancredo agreed with the Georgia conservative’s admiration for Sotomayor by comparing the judge’s membership in a national Hispanic organization to enrollment in the KKK. The 2008 presidential candidate known for his anti-immigration stance spoke glowingly of the president’s selection to be on the high court.

“I’m telling you, she appears to be racist,” Tancredo bubbled. “She said things that are racist.”

Meanwhile, those who remain opposed to the choice persisted in their search for reasons the balance of the Court would be negatively affected by the addition of a second woman and second non-white among the nine justices.

After a CNN report revealed that Sotomayor would become the sixth Catholic on the nation’s highest bench, tilting the panel strongly toward a belief in papal infallibility, other studies showed additional areas where the delicate balance of fairness could be impacted.

  • The new judge, a left-handed individual, would join five other lefties.
  • Sotomayor is reputed to like tuna, as do seven other justices currently serving.
  • Joining an already-strong majority of six, the would-be justice favors a coin-flip in cases where an absent vote could lead to a 4-4 tie.
  • Obama’s appointee prefers to remain clothed under her robes, which would leave Justices Scalia and Thomas as the only members who are nude underneath.
  • Sotomayor does not believe in “tweeting” her thoughts during closed-door deliberations of major decisions, joining six other current judges who share that belief.
  • The first Hispanic female nominee has all her original teeth, drives a sedan rather than a coupe, and prefers dogs as pets over hamsters, much like solid majorities of the court.

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4 Responses to “News is fake, but quotes are real”

  1. Rocky Smith Says:

    Good one. Unfortunately, right-wingers lack the sarcasm gene, so only normal people will understand this one.

  2. Touchdown74 Says:

    LOL! I enjoyed a good laugh!

  3. genebernardin Says:

    Can we just do away with the entire party system once and for all? It would be so nice to evaluate candidates for any position (political or otherwise) for their qualifications and not how they would impact “our” agenda. Oh… by the way… I hear Dick Cheney is a big supporter as well.

  4. omawarisan Says:

    Weren’t they the party that loved to label people flip floppers?

    Also, I apologize if there are any typos, I can’t see the keys. My retinas spontaneously detached as a defense mechanism at the thought of Scalia and Thomas commando under their robes.

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