Banana robbers and black hairy tongues

“Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just trying to rob me?”

Once again, my beloved South is in the news for the poor quality of its criminal population.

Last weekend, I related the story of the Waffle House waitress who became so incensed at a customer that she went to her car, got a gun and shot the patron for complaining about inadequate service. Apparently, the twin assault of stale waffles and runny eggs weren’t punishment enough.

This week comes the story of man who attempted the hold-up of a North Carolina café using a banana that he led his victim to believe was a gun. Bobby Ray Mabe (always with the two first names) said he encountered a man holding something under his clothing who asked for a Mountain Dew and then demanded cash.

The Winston-Salem café owner said he and another one of his customers decided to resist by grabbing the man and holding him down on a chair.

“If he had a gun he would’ve shot me,” Mabe told UPI. “But he had a banana.”

Forsyth County sheriff’s officers were summoned to arrest the perpetrator, but while the trio waited for them to arrive, the would-be robber ate the banana. By the time police arrived, all that was left was the banana peel. However, Mabe realized that the peel could serve as valuable evidence, so he photographed and then secured it before anybody could suffer a fall.

Charged with attempted robbery was 17-year-old John Steven Szwalla (pronounced “swallow,” which is what he should’ve done with the banana peel). On his next attempt, perhaps he’ll be smart enough to claim that an apple is actually a hand grenade, and he’ll be able to consume all the evidence.

 

Open wide and disgust us all

Open wide and disgust us all

In unrelated news, there’s actually a disease that goes by the name of Black Hairy Tongue.

BHT refers to a number of conditions in humans and animals that cause the tongue to become unusually dark and/or hairy in appearance. In humans, it’s a harmless condition caused by a fungus which grows on the top surface of the tongue. It’s most commonly associated with the elderly, those using antibiotics, and smokers. While black is the most common color associated with the condition, other colors are possible, including brown, white and green. The hairy areas are usually on the back of the tongue.

Though generally due to overall poor oral hygiene, Black Hairy Tongue can also be caused by Pepto-Bismol.

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One Response to “Banana robbers and black hairy tongues”

  1. InActionMan IAM Says:

    That old devil red wine has been known to produce a black tongue in InActionMan, and black teeth and lips too, come to think of it, but even in my most inebraited states I have never been foolish enough to even consider trying to rob someone with a banana.
    What’s next? Ford forces customers to buy their cars at muffin-point! North Korea threatens Japan with its last grain of rice!! Cuba holds America hostage with sugar cane!!!

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