Fake News: Late-night comedians agree on what’s funny

NEW YORK (May 20) – Hosts of late-night talk shows met at their annual convention this week to select who would be the butt of their jokes on a variety of human frailties in the year ahead.

After experimenting with a number of new faces during 2008, the consensus of the assembled comedians seemed to point toward a return to the classics. In an overall “beauty contest” to name the funniest celebrity regardless of which physical or personality flaw they displayed, former vice president Dick Cheney scored a narrow victory over Donald Trump and Oprah Winfrey.

The hosts come together once every year to decide who is perceived as the oldest, dumbest, fattest, etc. among people currently in the public eye. With that protocol in place, they can then proceed to tell basically the same joke as each other on any given night.

In two examples where a return to veteran buffoons was evident, Angelina Jolie displaced the Octomom as the subject of any jokes about someone who has too many children, while Donald Trump and the beloved “thing on his head” pushed aside disgraced Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich on the topic of hair jokes. Larry King was voted to take the spot previously held by John McCain on the theme of someone who is “so old that [fill in the blank]”.

Madonna continued her 19-year domination in the category of who was the female best-known for dating entire sports teams, though both Brittney Spears and Cher received enough support in the general category of sluttiness to deserve mention on any given night. Amy Winehouse was again the runaway winner to be the subject of jokes about drug use and drunkenness, and Kirstie Alley squashed challenges from Rosie O’Donnell and Oprah Winfrey on the question of who was comically fat. Sarah Palin and Miss California finished in a dead-heat for the title of ditziest.

In the male class, John Edwards bested Eliot Spitzer for the husband who most humorously cheated on his wife. Joe Biden won in a rout for the category of most talkative, and Bernie Madoff scored an equally impressive victory of who was the most-crooked personality. Former president George W. Bush was awarded a lifetime achievement honor for being dumb.

In the fast-changing landscape of steroid use in baseball, Barry Bonds led after the first ballot but could not achieve the majority necessary to be endlessly mentioned during monologues. Roger Clemens overcame Bonds on the second ballot but also failed to put his rivals away. Alex Rodriguez almost took the title on the third ballot before Manny Ramirez landed the victory just before the convention’s closing ceremonies.

Former Idaho Senator Larry Craig, infamous for his arrest on sex-related charges in a Minneapolis airport men’s room, was eliminated in early voting by singer Clay Aiken on the subject of funniest homosexual. But Aiken fell in the end, topped by whichever male finishes highest in the previous year’s “American Idol”.

Dick Cheney took the honor for top mention in the “who shot a guy in the face” class. Talk show host Rush Limbaugh was the biggest multiple winner at the convention, racking up mentions in the fattest, baldest, craziest, most drug-addled (male) and ugliest categories.



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7 Responses to “Fake News: Late-night comedians agree on what’s funny”

  1. oscarstavern Says:

    That is so true!

    hey – why no Obama jokes?

  2. Doraz Says:

    Good question about the Obama jokes~~~~~

  3. Scott Oglesby Says:

    Just so you know, I sat in as consigliore for Jon Stewart, during that alleged meeting… er.. if such a meeting did in fact take place. Which it did not! But if it did, I wanted you to know that Mr Cheney is also still to be known as ‘Dark Overlord’, Darth Vader, and as a vampire who sleeps in his man size safe. Wanted to give yous a heads up, cause yous seem like a nice kid!

  4. planetross Says:

    The talk show elite should just do a one or two hour “roasting” of each person once Dean Martin style … and then we wouldn’t have to hear about them ever again.

  5. Vemabrari Says:

    Sweet blog. I never know what I am going to come across next. I think you should do more posting as you have some pretty intelligent stuff to say.

    I’ll be watching you . 🙂

  6. planetross Says:

    I have to break the news, but …
    “The Vemabrari comment is SPAM”

    It likes my blog too! … and online gambling.

  7. planetross Says:

    another typo 😦

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