Fake News: El Presidente in Espanol (sort of)

PORT-OF-SPAIN, Trinidad (April 20) – President Barack Obama wrapped up his attendance at the three-day Summit of the Americas Saturday promising greater cooperation and a new era of respect for our neighbors to the south.

The president acknowledged that his high-school Spanish “may be a ‘poco rustisimo’,” but still made a symbolic effort to communicate with most of the Latin American leaders in their native language. Some of the conversations may not have been quite what Obama intended, though State Department specialists were quick to step in with clearer interpretations where they were needed.

“Se me olvido mi cuaderno,” Obama announced to the cheers of assembled leaders. “La pluma esta en la mesa.”

Though literally translated to mean “I forgot my notebook; the pen is on the table,” U.S. ambassador to Mexico Ronaldo Lopez said that what the president meant was that the portfolio of past American tactics was being left behind, and that all parties could now work together to write new guidelines for the relationship.

The president asked those in attendance to bring a fresh perspective to how relations could progress between the increasing number of leftist governments in South America and the economic and social powerhouse to their north.

“Es esto la caja?” Obama asked rhetorically. “Es esto la lampara o la silla?”

By asking “is this the box?” and “is this the lamp or the chair?”, Ambassador Lopez said the president was requesting that delegates “think outside of normal conventions and consider whether it was more important to illuminate past differences or sit together and find similarities.”

“El arroz con pollo es la especialidad,” the president continued. “Yo quiero pina fria y una taza de café puro.”

“Yes, he did point out that chicken and rice is the special, and that he prefers cold pineapple and a cup of black coffee,” Lopez interjected. “I think what he’s trying to say is that agrarian reforms being carried out in large parts of the continent are producing better agricultural yields and addressing many nations’ chronic problems with hunger.”

“Para bailar La Bamba se necessito una poca de gracia. Los cuadrupedos viven en la tierra,” Obama told the crowd before boarding the presidential helicopter for his return to the airport. “Yo no tengo cortaplumas; no puedo cortar el papel. Nos disgusta mucho el ruido cuando queremos dormer.”

A look of exasperation crossed the ambassador’s face as he made his translation.

“I can only tell you what he said: ‘To dance the Bamba requires a little grace. The quadrupeds live on the ground. I have no penknife; I cannot cut the paper. We dislike noise when we want to sleep’,” Lopez recited. “I’ll leave that for the peoples of Latin America to understand for themselves.”


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6 Responses to “Fake News: El Presidente in Espanol (sort of)”

  1. planetross Says:

    apologies for being a bit scant on the comments lately, but I have been reading the entries.

    Rock Hill festivities sound small town … but that frog really must draw a crowd.

    Hong Kong “high tea” should really be “tall tea” I think … but what do I know … I’m just a colonial.

    Ed Asner is a maniac!!

    I’ve been spared the dog saga … thank dog (I’m dislectic). I’m sure all those Philipinos and Koreans are just salivating at the news clips though.

    What’s the word for “gringo” in Spanish? … I’m a bit rusty.

  2. planetross Says:

    oh yeah! … I don’t spell very well either. “dyslexic”

  3. Tavo Says:

    Wow did he really said that? ‘Rustisimo’ was the funniest. In that case, I who speak spanish as my mother language could say that my english is ‘fluidisimo’ haha.

  4. Up the Tao Staircase Says:

    Mi risa está en mis otros pantalones. Usted tiene divertido en esta ventana.

  5. bschooled Says:

    Muy divertido!

  6. thekingoftexas Says:

    Your Fake News postings are hilarious, and their hilarity is surpassed only by the eruditeness reflected in their composition and presentation. In my unlearned opinion they qualify for syndicated publication and should be published in every newspaper in the United States, daily or otherwise, and in the newspapers of every nation in which Spanish and English are spoken.

    Unless you secure your syndication contracts soon, however, you won’t enjoy much profit, particularly in the US—our newspapers are dropping like flies. My daily source of information (the only one available in San Antonio) is the San Antonio Express-News, a newspaper recently reduced in size and content, with black-ink-on-white-paper the only feature unchanged. Instead of “more for less,” we are getting “less for more.“ The cost for daily home delivery has increased almost 25 percent in the past year, with no advance notice of pending increases—they simply appear in the normal billing document.

    I look forward to more Fake News—it’s more interesting, more informative and more palatable than most US dailies.

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