Comments from the readers, part two

This is part two of a look back at some reader comments I’ve received over the last six months. Yesterday, I tried to make funny responses to each one, but I think today’s comments are good enough to stand on their own. Enjoy.

·         Why do most people think their pet would have an accent?

·         I do not advise eating ice cream.

·         We can have three-legged races in the winter now

·         I snorted coffee up my nose.

·         Did he happen to flush any goldfish down the toilet?

·         Hyenas are one of the most disgusting of God’s creatures on this earth

·         I have spent most of the time dwelling on the fact that I will probably die alone. And I suspect as terrible as this might sound, it will be the smell that finally gives me away.

·         I hope I die in the most unobvious place possible and in a hundred years someone will finally find me and be all surprised and get all curious about who I was and stuff.

·         I seem to be called upon to write in (greeting) cards of people I don’t really know very well or don’t like very much, and that is what I would like to write in the future: “I don’t know you very well or like you very much.”

·         How would you like to unplug your house from your electrical company, knowing that you are 100% powered by nature with renewable energy?

·         None of those count, except maybe Dan Rather.

·         One can’t help wondering if Hitler’s performance appraisal might read something like “Adolf is very committed and persistent in all his endeavors, and his work ethic has enabled him to realize many of the goals he set out in his job plan, Mein Kampf.”

·         I go to the cashier who is moving her hands fastest.

·         I may have soiled myself.

·         I like watching a public beating in public, and the cops aren’t going to show up to ruin the party.

·         Living in Montana we get random comments, things about sheep.

·         I was a big fan of the discontinued no-sugar-added apple cake at Starbucks.

·         I wonder what made you forego your budding career in journalism au natural and enter the world of high finance.

·         I beat Federer in straight sets in Antarctica.

·         I know what you mean about 19.

·         Any semi-competent identity thief knows that no social security number begins with 834. The highest SSN’s begin with 5XX and that’s only for people born in the Philippines.

·         It’s nice to hear someone else experience a haircut.

·         I think I need more advices.

·         My parents wouldn’t even let me say “pee” as a child and now I curse like a truck driver.

·         I shall not be hunting any Parisian squirrels in Jardins des Plants, but I may take my hangover for a walk there later in the day.

 

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4 Responses to “Comments from the readers, part two”

  1. delicate flower Says:

    You evoke really funny stuff. I kinda like the one who couldn’t say ‘pee’ as a child. I couldn’t have anything purple as a child, maybe my mother feared I’d grow up to be a prostitute? or just an old tacky lady?

    Thanks. I’ve just added you to my blogroll.
    http://www.delicacies.wordpress.com
    keep going! df

  2. wrjones Says:

    You got some good ones here. I’m going to start looking for the cashier who moves her hands fastest. Pure genius.

  3. starlaschat Says:

    Hey I saw one of my comments and it wasn’t the I think I soiled myself comment.LOL It’s nice to see all the comments together. I think I’m honored that I made the list.;+).

  4. InActionMan IAM Says:

    I think I made three comments, which is a triple honour. Actually, I’m thinking of starting a dot.com where frustrated bloggers can pay me to comment on their site. Either that or I’ll have to kidnap people and only release them after a thousand comments.
    Ah…Mrs InactionMan demands I accompany her to the supermarket right NOW and this could have been my funniest comment.
    Drats!

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