Comments from the readers

This weekend marks the six-month anniversary of my adventure in blogging. It was on September 1 last fall that I started an alpha version of this site on a rival service (rhymes with “blognot”). Early posts were primitive, sporadic and mostly involved indiscriminate rants about my work life. In mid-November, following a WordPress conference in Charlotte, I launched this blog, which has now been daily without fail since December 15.

I thought one fun way to honor the date would be to respond to some of the very generous comments made by my readers. As of yesterday afternoon, I’ve received over 300 comments on my 150 posts (6,444 total views, but who’s counting?). Here are a few of my favorites, with a brief response where appropriate:

This (post) is real, right?

Yes, it’s real, or at least as much as anything on the Internet can be real. Obviously, the “Fake News” installments are complete figments of my imagination. Much of the rest, though, is what I like call based on a true story. Otherwise, even my friends would sue me.

Wouldn’t it be fun to install some kind of stupidity sensor chip in our brain and have it root through everything we’ve ever said looking for the crassest, most cringe-worthy comments we’ve ever made?

Fun? Not the adjective I would choose. Definitely interesting, though.

Canada already has Manitoba.

Yes, that’s true. Thank you for that observation.

I don’t want to hear about (an orifice that won’t open). Do you understand?

Technically, you didn’t “hear” it from me, unless you have some kind of read-aloud software you use to read blogs. And if that’s the case, that’s really quite sad. But yes, I do understand, and it won’t happen again.

You damn blindy.

The politically correct term I was taught back in college is “blind-o” (as in “lame-o,” “deaf-o,” etc.).

You can’t administer eyedrops? That’s kind of like not being able to use a spoon or put on socks properly.

I’m intrigued by your examples. After I wash and dry my socks, I typically don’t take the time to sort and pair them properly. My dresser is right next to my bed, and on these cold mornings, the sock drawer is the first thing I reach for when the alarm goes off, so I’m not cold while walking about making coffee, feeding cats, vomiting, etc. And yes, because I do it in the dark, I sometimes make sock-donning errors. I consider it a good start to the day if they’re only mismatched styles rather than accidentally put on the wrong appendage. As for the spoon, I know very well how to use it, as well as the fork, the knife, the spork, the spife and my thungers (the two digits I had surgically fused to my thumb to make finger foods easier to handle).

Since I built a fish a while back, I’ve been creeped out.

I guess so.

Your photographs (of misty mountains, water lilies, etc.) were very good.

For those of you who didn’t get the joke last weekend, I stole those from the generic photo file in Microsoft Office. Don’t tell Bill Gates.

Wow – I almost had to pack a lunch for that one.

Your point is well taken. I realize that some of my posts tend to get a little wordy, but I’m from the old school where a proper essay was about a thousand words, so that’s the number I’m watching in the bottom left-hand corner of my screen. Not the right length for the Twitter generation, I guess, but I am trying to reduce the vast extent of some of my more extravagant pontifications. Sorta.

Have you checked for glandular fever? Epstein-Barr virus? Infectious mononucleosis?

Remind me never again to tell the online world that I’m not feeling well.

I thought you said the post was going to be short. If that is short, next time I will pack a lunch.

Again with the packed lunch? What is this, grade school?

Thank God for my Kegel exercises. My pelvic floor is in great shape.

I’ll take this as a compliment about the sophistication of my humor, but if it’s instead some kind of come-on line, I’ll have to tell you that I know all about Kegeling from our natural childbirth classes 18 years ago, and I don’t appreciate the implication. Or maybe I do.

What are you, some kind of idiot?

The once-accepted classification system for people with learning disabilities is fortunately no longer in use and is now considered offensive, you moron, imbecile, half-wit, numskull, dolt, dunce and/or fool.

Tomorrow, more from the readers.

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3 Responses to “Comments from the readers”

  1. zmanowner Says:

    Davis

    …I Love your blog your very honest…….keep on keepin i make the pack a lunch jokes…zman

  2. InActionMan IAM Says:

    My inane comment was the first one for dissection! InActionMan is honoured!!!
    While your stats are about a hundred times greater than mine (…resists temptation to make a size-isn’t-everything ‘joke’) you deserve to be even more read. And only 300 comments! Come on world-give Davis W some feedback!
    I particularly like the justification of the 1,000-word length, and the ability to read it without a packed lunch. In this twitter age, it seems a thousand words has become something unthinkably verbose. And now down to my own thousand words, writing my way through the barrage of a nasty Saturday night hangover.
    In spite of the headache, I call for three cyber cheers for David W!

  3. planetross Says:

    Congrats on 6 months of blogging.
    I’m glad this spoon sock thing has been cleared up.

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