Fake News: Nancy Grace loses pencil

ATLANTA (April 2) – CNN talk show host Nancy Grace reported yesterday that a pencil is missing from her desk and that police tell her she should assume it has been snatched.

Grace, the popular TV personality best known for her nonstop coverage of Caylee Anthony and other missing-children cases, said she believes the pencil was forcibly removed from her office some time during the overnight hours between last Monday and Tuesday. It was last seen by her secretary Monday evening after Grace gave up halfway through the USA Today crossword puzzle when she couldn’t get the five-letter word for a “savage, monstrous, winged female.”

“I will not rest until I get all the facts in this case and that pencil is returned to me,” Grace announced in her trademark overbearing tone. “It’s a part of my desk-set family and should not have been so callously ripped from its home.”

Grace described the missing pencil as a Ticonderoga 1388-2/HB with soft lead. It had been sharpened down to about half its original size, and significant parts of the eraser had been worn away.

“There’s was just a little curl of loosened rubber at the top,” Grace said. “It was such a cute, little pencil, so undeserving of such a horrible, twisted fate.”

Producers of Grace’s show released a grainy videotape of the host using the pencil to take notes as she observed parents attending the birthday party of her niece last year. The pencil seems to have several teeth marks along the length of its yellow body, but Grace denies there’s been any history of abuse.

“I took care of that pencil like it was my own child,” Grace said. “Except for the occasions when I forced it into a mechanical grinder to shred off enough wood so I could expose more graphite.”

Police sources report there was evidence in Grace’s office that the pencil may have violently resisted its apparent kidnapping. Random markings were found at several locations on the wall, though one detective admitted those could’ve been ideas Grace was brainstorming for future episodes of her show.

Police also said that Grace’s secretary was not considered a suspect in the case. The woman, identified as Cheryl Wertz, does not appear to have any criminal record. Grace said, however, that at this point in the investigation, “we’re not considering anybody as above suspicion.”

Later in the day, Atlanta police issued an “Ambling Alert,” warning that it was likely Grace would be talking on and on about the missing pencil on tonight’s show, and that viewers are advised to avoid the area.

 

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10 Responses to “Fake News: Nancy Grace loses pencil”

  1. therealmotherlode Says:

    Hmmmmmmm….wonder if the same miscreant who steals my favorite pen is behind this…..Please….keep me abreast of any updates on this caper…

  2. cheddamagee Says:

    You know, it’s funny that this is fake news because I could definitely see this happening, word for word.

    “Grace gave up halfway through the USA Today crossword puzzle when she couldn’t get the six-letter word for a “savage, monstrous, winged female.”

    Great line.

  3. trishatruly Says:

    This is real, right? I can totally see her getting all melodramatic and emotionally charged as she described “the heinous crime” and ” the perpetrator”!

    It’s only a matter of time before there’s a slow news day and BAM! We’ll see how fake this story is!! HEHEHEEEE!!

  4. michellefrommadison Says:

    Did Nancy Grace take a lie-detector test, did she even volunteer to take a lie-detector test, everyone knows she couldn’t pass a lie-detector test anyways. What’s her alibi during the timeframe she claims the pencil was stolen? Have her where-abouts been confirmed by the police yet? Just how drunk was Nancy at the time she made the report? How many pills had she taken prior to, and after she made the report? Did her twins gain access to Nancy’s alcohol and drugs again during this timeframe Nancy claims the pencil was stolen? Were the twins abused again by Nancy on the evening of the alleged theft?

  5. zmanowner Says:

    here is a good fake news story …nancy grace is retiring from the news and joining the circus..she is such a yenta hate her hope she goes to the circus…Zman sends

  6. michellefrommadison Says:

    But, amanowner, Nancy’s show and her personal life are both a circus already. Still, a great idea. 🙂

  7. lazyeverdays Says:

    I like this a lot, keep it up. Thanks for the comments on our blog… we put up about 6-10 new stories a day. Check out this latest one, best of luck to ya!

    http://lazyeverdays.wordpress.com/2009/04/03/you-smell-like-poop/

  8. alantru Says:

    Breaking news: Someone just sent her the severed eraser in the mail. The poor dear is overcome with angst.

  9. michellefrommadison Says:

    The arrival of that package will surely require more drinkin and druggin by Nancy, once again. 🙂

  10. michellefrommadison Says:

    Well, Nancy Grace was proven to be wrong again today on the Phil Spector case too. Spector was convicted of second degree murder, unlike the frivolous and wrongful claims by Predator Grace.

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