Fake News: Steele apologizes — he’s really sorry (really)

WASHINGTON (March 5) — Republican National Chairman Michael Steele continued to back-pedal yesterday from comments he made over the weekend implying that right-wing radio host Rush Limbaugh may not in fact be the Second Coming of Christ.

“I honestly didn’t mean to say those awful, hurtful things,” Steele said. “When I said his show was incendiary and ugly, I didn’t mean anything personal by it. He’s a great entertainer and a fantastic voice for the conservative cause. Really, really fantastic — beyond all conventional measures of greatness.”

Steele added that he was “really, truly sorry” and “truly wanted to make a major apology, really.” He called himself “stupid, stupid, stupid” and asked “what the hell is wrong with me?”

“How dare I question anything at all that comes out of his hallowed mouth?” Steele wondered. “Exactly what kind of idiot am I? I’ll tell you what kind – the biggest kind there is. That’s what kind.”

Meanwhile, post-convention analysts of the Conservative Political Action Committee sessions in Washington continued to look for a common theme to come out of the gathering. The new party slogans being floated for consideration – “The Hell With The Rest of You” and “Time For Some Rich White Guys” – are being judged by many as too divisive.

There was also no clear consensus among observers about which current party leaders might emerge in the next few years to offer a challenge to Democratic President Barack Obama in 2012.

“That Bag of Hammers who gave the opening address on Saturday sounded pretty impressive to me,” said one attendee. “I think he would take a direct approach to the problems we’re currently facing by applying tremendous force and power.”

Another conservative in attendance said he was leaning toward the Sack of Wet Leather that offered Sunday’s keynote address.

“He smelled pretty foul, but maybe that’s what this country needs,” he noted. “A president who stinks would be a president who gets noticed on the world stage.”

In the straw-poll “beauty contest” of early favorites for the nomination, a Box of Rocks received 31% of the vote, Bait got 25%, a Soapdish scored 21% and a Houseplant garnered 13%. Other potential candidates – including Raw Cookie Dough, a Post, and Dirt — scored in the single digits.

Many of the younger participants, as well as a large contingent of women and minorities, talked a lot about one potential candidate who had not even attended the annual right-wing confab.

“We’re holding out to see what the Truckload of Barbies is going to do during congressional elections in 2010,” said Bob Hefferly. “If she grabs a Senate seat, it could be a springboard on to the White House.”



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