Twenty-five random things about me

1.       I’ve discovered both a simple cure for cancer and a way to convert water into a fuel that can be used to power the automobile. Wanna see?

2.       I have an extensive cardiovascular system that is centered in my heart and lungs but also includes numerous veins, arteries and capillaries. These blood vessels run throughout my entire body – from the top of my head to the tip of my toes – and supply both oxygen and nutrients so that I can experience cell growth.

3.       I once shot a guy just to watch him die. Unfortunately, he had a silver dollar in his shirt pocket that deflected the bullet and left him completely unharmed. What followed was one of the most awkward conversations of my entire life: “Did you just shoot me?” he asked. “Yeah,” I responded. “I’m sorry, I guess.” He pressed the point: “Why the heck did you do that? I’ve could’ve been seriously injured.” “Actually, I was hoping you’d be killed, ‘cause I wanted to watch you die.” “Man,” he said. “That is so uncool. I’m really, really tempted to tell on you.” “No, don’t,” I pleaded. “I’ll give you ten dollars if you’ll just forget about it.” “OK,” he relented.

4.       I just typed the word “indecipherable.”

5.       I am allergic to air. I’m currently on a waiting list for a gill transplant.

6.       My favorite word is “jubilee”. My least favorite word is “bolus,” defined as a soft, roundish mass or lump, especially of chewed food.

7.       I hope one day to be injured just enough for a brief hospitalization, during which I can be treated and released. That sounds so pleasant.

8.       When I was a young child, I thought that cats were the females and dogs were the males of the same species. If you think about it, it does make sense. I’m not sure to this day that zoologists have sufficiently proved me wrong to my satisfaction. I also thought that you could aspire to be a lion or giraffe when you grew up, just like you could aspire to be a policeman or football player. I’m convinced now that at least that part is wrong, but it doesn’t soften the blow that I ended up being a financial typesetter.

9.       I was among the five finalists when they held the selection process for the fifteenth Dalai Lama a few years ago. It was me, this guy Andy that I know from work, Arizona’s junior Republican Senator Jon Kyl, Victoria Beckham (better known perhaps as Mrs. David Beckham or Posh Spice) and this four-year-old kid from Tibet. The kid won out in what I thought was a very flawed, very prejudiced process, but I’ve since come to believe that just being nominated was an honor.

10.   I once invaded Europe though my assault was ultimately halted on the banks of the Rhine. I think I could’ve gone all the way to the Urals if I would’ve bothered to study the European language before hand. I could’ve explained my case for invasion.

11.   I’ve hugged a turkey though I can’t say I’d recommend it to just anyone. You really have to have a special place in your heart for barnyard poultry.

12. I once ran a marathon. By “ran,” I mean that I slowly jogged for large portions while occasionally stopping to walk and catch my breath. By “marathon,” I mean that I completed 22 of 26 miles before giving up completely on the running and instead walking to the finish line. By “a,” I mean “uh, I didn’t really run a marathon.”

13.   I’ve had 534 haircuts in my life, resulting in unknown quadrillions of individual hairs ending up in the landfill.

14.   While visiting Sri Lanka on business last year, I found myself on the fringes of an anti-government demonstration where participants were being tear-gassed. I caught just enough of a whiff of the gas to recognize what it was. It reminded me of the pickles they serve on Chick-fil-a sandwiches.

15.   I once correctly answered a question in my fifth grade science class that no one else could answer. The teacher asked: “Davis, can you tell us what is the thirteenth element in the periodic table?” “No, I can’t,” I responded. And I was correct – I couldn’t tell her because I didn’t know the answer.

16.   I once spent a lazy Sunday afternoon watching a rerun of a senior golf tournament. Think about how boring that is on so many different levels.

17.   I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.

18. My social security number is 834-68-8091. My Visa card number is 8934-8017-5583-7814, expiration date 5/10. The PIN number for my ATM is 9350.

19.   I was once abducted and probed by aliens. I’ve never mentioned it before because it didn’t seem that important. It happens to lots of people.

20.   Family legend was that if Ireland ever had its monarchy restored that I would become the king. I think that would be a mixed blessing. You’d be a king, but you’d probably have to live in Ireland.

21.   If I could live in any other state besides my current home in South Carolina, it would be North Carolina.

22. I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.

23.   I can’t come up with 25 random facts about myself. I can only find 23.


Tags: , , , , , ,

9 Responses to “Twenty-five random things about me”

  1. goodbadandugly2 Says:

    This was cool. I like 6!

  2. starlaschat Says:

    Is that really your ATM pin #?

  3. Rocky Humbert Says:

    You wrote in item #18 that your social security number is: 834-68-8091.

    Any semi-competent identity thief knows that NO social security numbers begin with 834. The highest SSN’s begin with 5XX and that’s only for people born in the Phillipines. (For more details, click on the link below).

    If you expect me to continue to read your blog, I hope that you will do a better job at fact checking and/or proofreading. Thank you. 😉

  4. K. Trainor Says:

    “I once correctly answered a question in my fifth grade science class that no one else could answer. The teacher asked: “Davis, can you tell us what is the thirteenth element in the periodic table?” “No, I can’t,” I responded. And I was correct – I couldn’t tell her because I didn’t know the answer.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don’t know why, but that one really tickled my funny bone this morning. Thanks for the laugh! *raises coffee cup in tribute*

  5. aka_lol Says:

    I know what you mean about 19.

  6. randomjane Says:

    Hey there, dw – thanks for that lil shout out, cuz I hadn’t noticed it!
    And most excellent list. I’m tempted to fritz around with #s 24 and 25 … but I’m still working on that first cup of Joe … Ü

  7. mokkil Says:

    I became the president of…….(nation your choice) by a thumping margin I beat Federer in straight sets in Antartica.

  8. Susi Spice Says:

    haha @ the Rocky humbert comment. Davis if you are going to give out your secure details, get it right because otherwise identity thieves cant make a quick honest buck in a days work. please be more thoughtful next time. By the way just took out $200 from your account using your pin. I swear ill pay ya back man, you know im good for it!

  9. w Says:

    #19 hahahaha!! And #2 also describes me perfectly…so weird!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: