Website Review: no!no! hair removal

No no no no no no no no no no,
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
Nobody can do the shake like I do
Nobody can do the boogaloo like I do
–”Nobody But Me” by The Human Beinz (1968)

We’re at an awkward moment in the long history of humankind. We’ve mastered the land, inventing agriculture to free us from all that tedious hunting and gathering. We safely harvest critical resources from the sea (sort of). We fly through the air with the greatest of ease, the rocketpacks and balloons and zeppelins and superheroes nearly blotting out the sun at times.

And yet we still face this issue of unwanted hair. Fashion magazines have made it abundantly clear that hair is to exist only in a luxuriant and lustrous state flowing out of the top of our heads, and in smaller strips in and around the eye, on the brow and lash. Our ancestors from millennia past needed all kinds of body hair for protection from the elements, but now that we have condos and ballcaps and the cutest tops from TJ Maxx, the remaining fur is vestigial and has almost left our bodies entirely. Except for some embarrassing patches that we hope evolution will eventually get to, though frankly we have a date at 7 tonight and can’t wait much longer.

For these people, commerce has developed a number of caustic solutions and tiny gouging devices that will remove unwanted hair, if you don’t mind unbearable pain and a moderate fee. They work pretty well, as do most torture regimens eventually. However, the modern consumer longs for a more high-tech approach, i.e., one they can order over the internet.

So in today’s Website Review, I’m going to tell you about a product called the “no!no!’. Deliberately lower-cased to distinguish it from the industrial strength “NO!NO!” being used at secret CIA rendition centers, the no!no! is a small machine offering “professional hair removal at home … finally, a pain-free long-term solution for hair removal!” Offering no hair and no pain, it virtually named itself.

Using the Thermicon™, a thermodynamic wire to transmit heat to each individual hair, the shaft becomes superheated, basically crystallizing the follicle. This both pulverizes the part of the hair that shows above the surface and cripples the cell communication below the skin that grew the hair in the first place. A buff, which comes “free” with your $284.40 purchase, then turns your skin from a bombed-out Dresden to a soft, barren desert. Self-tasering has never been so easy.

The home page of trynono.com is packed with moving graphics, pink backgrounds and a spray of bullet points that would make an armed and disgruntled former employee proud. The “smart skin solutions” people at parent company Radiancy tout the no!no! as “•cordless and convenient,” “•cord-free operation,”  “•removes embarrassing facial hair too!” and  “•great for men and women.” It’s InStyle magazine’s 2008 beauty product of the year, and has also been seen in Vogue, Shape and Self magazines, because that’s what happens when you pay them money to run your ads. There’s also a tease of some of the other heartfelt testimonials to follow elsewhere in the site:

“As someone who struggled with unwanted hair, it is so wonderful to sit here proud and hairless,” writes one satisfied customer. “Thanks you no!no! for coming into my life!”

Under the “How It Works” section, there are more details about the three distinct processes involved in permanently mutating your pores. During “First Contact” (not to be confused with the 1996 Star Trek movie), a super-heated wire separates the hair shaft at the point of contact. At the “Crystallization” stage, the uppermost part of the hair becomes coarse and prickly, and you can stop at this point if you’re into that. Most, though, want to proceed to the “Disruption” phase, where the actual “miscommunication between bulge and root” takes place, slowing future hair growth. A phase four, as-yet undiscovered but certain to be announced in the next year or so, gives you fatal melanoma.

The overly punctuated “Why no!no!?” pulldown uses an easy-to-read spreadsheet to dissect the problem women everywhere face about what methods to use on their face. Current techniques all have their shortcomings. Short-term solutions like razors, depilatory creams and electric shavers get a “no” in the pain column but a “daily” in the frequency column and all kinds of nasty stuff in the “side effects” column including razor burn, cuts, odor and allergic reactions. For mid-term remedies like “epilation (rotary)” and the tasty-sounding “wax-sugaring,” you can trade painlessness for bi-monthly convenience, though now you’re also looking at burn potential, a mess, and a lot of time and money. The long-term effects of the laser include pain, skin inflammation, odor and a costly, long-term commitment, but on the plus side you’ll be recognized by most grocery store bar-code scanners.

The no!no! option is not a miracle cure and does require commitment. For your effort, you’ll “make the dream of less unwanted hair a reality.” The simple and pain-free technique involves “no pulling, tearing or scraping, just a slow, smooth slide”. There is something called the “hot blade” involved but it’s encased in a cate little handheld device (comes in pink or silver) that you can take with you almost anywhere. And, that convenience means you can no!no! “at home or wherever,” sitting on the side of your bed, after a workout at the gym, or while running for statewide office in California.

There are some Testimonials included in one section. Frankly, they’re rather lackluster. “I will definitely recommend this to girlfriends with thick, stubborn hair,” says one woman, about to find herself seriously defriended on Facebook. “I first saw no!no! in a magazine, then heard rave reviews from a friend,” says Kennedy of Omaha. “I thought what the heck, I’ll give it a whirl. The no!no! did not disappoint. I love my no!no!” (Imagine this woman’s poor dog, trying to be a good boy but constantly hearing “no!no!”)

The best testimonial of all comes in a video format from “celebrity” Kassie DePaiva, a daytime TV star who loves her no!no! She prattles through about a dozen different 30-second clips showing her compensated enthusiasm for the product. “I’ve got a great body, it’s just the hair I don’t like,” she says. “I might’ve shaved in the morning but by 5 o’clock I’m doing a love scene and the actor says ‘gee, Kassie, do you ever shave your legs?’ I was mortified,” she confides. “It’s taken care of a huge issue in my life, a universal problem that people don’t want to talk about,” she adds. “The pain (before no!no!) stopped me from living,” she says. “I was tired of being the hairy girl I’ve been all my life.”

Finally, Kassie DePaiva has been liberated to pursue a Hollywood career that has her IMBD STARmeter rating up 22% in just the last week. After a long career on “One Life to Live,” she got her own show called “Knit & Crochet Today,” thanks in no small measure to her reduced bushiness. After being universally panned by critics — “she asks silly questions and makes comments I would expect from a ditsy teenager,” wrote one — she was canned, but not because wool-knit scarves and afghans didn’t glide smoothly across her skin.

The last piece I’ll cover is the standard “Frequently Asked Questions” section. “Does it really work?” is answered “Yes, it really works.” The question “Is the no!no! treatment safe?” brings the confusing but definitive response “Yes, no!no! is safe.” Someone asks “Can I use it with other hair removal products at the same time?” It seems you can throw the whole inventory of procedures at your upper lip if you want to — lasers, tweezers, waxes, acids, a make-out session with Zach Galifianakis — but these could interfere with no!no! benefits, so don’t come asking for your money back.

There’s a handy online order form for a deal that’s only available through June, so try to claw your way out of your hirsute prison and type on a computer if you can. They accept all major credit cards and you can make three easy payments. Obviously, certain billing information is also required but they’re polite enough to exclude a pulldown requiring you to categorize your hairiness on a scale that ranges from Alec Baldwin to Robin Williams to the Wolfman.

One final important point about the no!no! that’s contained in the fine print at the bottom of the website. “The no!no! is not recommended for use on the genitals.” I myself can’t imagine that possibility even entering my mind, though I understand that desperate people may consider desperate measures. My response to the thought, however, is much like those timeless words from the Human Beinz — “No no no no no no no no no no!”

About these ads

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

48 Responses to “Website Review: no!no! hair removal”

  1. Paul Dixon Says:

    Great review, Davis. However, I find myself with too much time on my hands this summer. Let me prove it. Focusing on the quote atop today’s blog from the song by the Human Beinz, I sang the number of ‘no’s out loud, carefully pointed at each one on the monitor, and discovered the following:

    Line 1: correct
    Line 2: 3 excess ‘no’s
    Line3: Missing 11 ‘no’s entirely (#11 elides with the beginning of ‘Nobody’)

    I know. It’s probably time to take a break from commenting. Please don’t respond to this critique; it would be beneath you, plus I enjoy your Sphinx-like silence. It’s very majestic :)

    -Your Loyal Subject and Chief Ankle-Biter

  2. Ann Says:

    I am still confused by this no!no! thing. I appears to IMPLY that it eventually permanently removes hair. But from the reviews it appears it only lightens growth and perhaps permanently removes some percentage of hair. The initial costs are not the only costs of using the product. It, like a razor, needs replacement blades. (how often and how much? for those of use who are not Alec Baldwin or the Wolfman) Why is it dangerous to use in the breast or genital area? (Heat that could burn more delicate skin? How hot is this thing?)
    It really sounds like laser and electrolysis are still the only completely safe, permanent hair removal systems though they hurt and are expensive. On commercials I did not see nor hear any guarantees of permanent hair removal, just the promise of no!no! ing less often than shaving or chemical hair removal.
    The idea of having to sandpaper off stubble (the erstwhile named “polishing”) after treatment doesn’t sound particularly pleasant or good for the dermis.
    Lastly, trying to shape your own eyebrows is a fool’s errand if you’re using a handheld machine. This is tricky business. The nono may generally work for broad, large areas, but using it on small areas and sandpapering off stubble on skin that should not be pulled or rubbed or handled roughly, sounds damaging.
    I’m curious why no no doesn’t have a setting for men who want the “light beard” look, as in adjusting it to only take off say 50% of hair. As it is the fashion to trim or thin pubic hair, as well as men’s facial hair, why hasn’t the product makers addressed this. Once again, electrolysis and laser can adjust to whatever thickness of hair the client would like to remain. no no only seems to do completely off. Either are also safe for genital hair removal too. So no no isn’t a yes yes for all situations. Electrolysis removed breast hairs for me swiftly and perfectly. And once again the product never claims to give permanent hair removal.
    Sure, we’d all like to shave less. But I’d like to forego shaving large areas like my underarms, legs and bikini lines forever. And I certainly don’t want to sandpaper off hair from any of those areas, especially the bikini line. That can’t feel good.

  3. Sandy Says:

    I tried the Nono for 6 weeks using it at least tri-weekly. I did not loose any hair. The machine burnt some hair to shorten it but I would get much better results with a razor. After 6 weeks the Nono is no longer operational. It still rolls but the tip does not come down properly. I can roll it down my entire arm and it would only descend once or twice then quickly return to starting position making it next to impossible to shorten any more hairs in a useful way. A big waste of time and money.

  4. Richmond Says:

    I just received an ad for the no!no! complete with a picture on the front of a woman using it on her face. Yet on their FAQ it clearly states, “You can use the no!no! everywhere except the face, breast and genitals.”

  5. Sharzie Says:

    I couldn’t stop laughing while reading this!

  6. orest Iwaszko Says:

    My senior senior citizen mother looks like a man who hasn”t shaved for a day after a month of triing to make this jerky piece of very difficult equipment to work properly. A layer of stubble keeps her from going out in public. After a month we haven’t once cleared enough hair from her face to. It may work on very fine hair but definately not for senior women.

    • aijah Says:

      lol…. your comments are so funny… your poor Mom. It did not work for me also and I have fine hair. thank God after fighting for few months with the company I got ALL my money back!!!

  7. rusclarita Says:

    its a total scam. nono doesnt remove hair as they say
    and it burned my skin .
    and they dont return it as they say.
    its a stealing.
    i tried to return it when i discovered its fake but they refused.
    if you buy it u waste ur money

  8. Kerry Says:

    Thanks for this astute and very funny commentary. I arrived here while hunting for reviews in the nono after watching a very compelling infomercial on it.

    Anyone considering shelling out the cash for one of these may want to hop on over to amazon.com first to check out the reams and reams of poor – and somewhat alarming – customer reviews in the product.

    If you have bought a nono and cannot retrieve your money, contact your credit card company. Often they wil intervene on your behalf if you’ve been scammed (a money-back guarantee where you never get your money back is a scam).

  9. Bob O'Hair Says:

    Thanks for the info. I spent a fortune on full-body laser (yes, I am hopelessly narcissistic) and it was only about 50% effective. But it was kind of fun when the technician, always a young woman, got to my genitals and – well – you know what happened. Who cares about pain?

  10. orest Iwaszko Says:

    I called nono they said that they are sending a courier to pick it up . that put me over their time limit for a refund . Unethical …. run from no no ..

  11. silvergirl Says:

    Fantastic! I wrote a similar paper in college on vertebrate biomechanics. Love the smarm. Subscribing.

  12. Heather Says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this review. I even continued to read it out loud to anyone who was in the room at time. Thank you for your wit, honesty and insight!

  13. Dianne Janzen Says:

    I have been using no no for over 2 months. Not happy with it at all. I’ve been trying it on my legs, and it always leaves bristle behind. The hair grows back just as fast as it always did (just as much too). I agree this was a big waste of money! I would not recommend it to any of m friends. I wish I had read these reviews before I wasted my money!

  14. gayle Says:

    Thank you, I was thinking about picking this up as another product to promote, but after reading these reviews and then Amazons, I think I will stay far away from this! I will also save my money and go buy a new pack of razors!

  15. Phyllis Says:

    I have been using it for 6 weeks and it did not reduce any hair growth. I contacted customer service to return it and they did everything to talk me out of if. They offered me extra heads, creams, buffers for free. Took off $90 off original price. Said I was not using it right. Anything to keep me from return it.

  16. sherry Says:

    wow…was just watching the infomercial and was ready to order when I decided to do a google search….glad I did…will stick with my razor

  17. Macy Says:

    I watched the same infomercial, it’s soooo convincing!!! Is it really crap? BTW really funny comments…

  18. Talula Cooper Says:

    Thank you all for your input. I was about to order it for my senior mom and myself. You’ve saved me money and a headache.
    Merci
    CC

  19. Tricia Says:

    Good lord, every time I see the commercial I want to BUY IT NOW especially today as I looked at my razor ravaged legs (I usually use an electric but did an emergency razor shave last week). Even my 5 year old daughter who just watched it with me was exclaiming with wonder at the delights of the no!no! My husband said “you can try it free for 60 days!”. Thank God, my mother passed on *some* common sense to me. As with each urge to buy, I get online to read some reviews and back away from the purchase. Today, I read the fine print on the free trial page. They charge you an initial fee of $89.95 plus a one time shipping and handling fee (I darn well hope see since I don’t imagine they’ll be shipping and handling anything after the initial one) and when you go over the 60 days without returning, you are automatically charged two more installations of $89.95 for a grand total of $289 plus whatever taxes are applicable.

  20. rachel Says:

    thanx for setting me straight on this, yet another, f.o.s. product.

    these infomercials can be very convincing. there oughta be a law!

  21. Patty Says:

    I had to look for a long time to find REAL reviews of this product. Most of the google search comes up with reviews from the company. Glad I found this – I have better places for my money!

  22. ali Says:

    I bought one the end of last year. It did get rid of the hair on my legs but it grew back. I used it faithfully 3-4 times a week and still the hair kept coming, just as dark as ever. Gave up on the legs but I do use it on my face. I have an issue with upper lip hair and I hate going to wax places since I am afraid they are not that sanitary so for me, the no no lets me burn the hair off in the privacy of my bathroom. My daughter used it on her upper lip and said the hair grew back darker! I am way past the trial period so no return for me, but if you use it correctly, it can save you an upper lip and unibrow wax trip. Yes I did burn myself a few times but I eventually got the hang of it, gotta pull the skin real tight. I don’t know if I would actually recommend it but for me, the upper lip thing is worth the price.

  23. Steven Says:

    Thanks for the blog and replies. It took a bit of searching to find a website not written by the “nono” company in one form or another. The product sounds much less appealing now than it did when I came across the first infomercial.

  24. Katherine Says:

    I received the nono as a gift in August. It is supposed to slow down the hair re-growth process after a time (I think it was about 60 days), so I did as instructed for 60 days. I used the nono on one leg and a standard razor on the other leg during that time. At the end of the 60 days, there was no change in the speed of regrowth on the leg that I used the nono on compared to the leg that I used the razor on.

    Also, I used the nono on my face using the small tip as instructed and I received slight burns across my upper lip. It was impossible to use it smoothly across the contours of my lip. I looked pretty funny with burn stripes on my mouth that looked like wrinkles at first glance. It was very embarrassing.

    I told my mother how poorly the nono performed and it was then that she told me she had paid about $300 for it! I was shocked! That is way too much to pay for it even if it DID work, but under the circumstances, it was just plain robbery!

  25. MDO Says:

    Nono… No! It sucks. Costs a lot – hidden costs of parts that wear, it is very very slow, and it left my armspits in a disastrous painful mess of stubble. Electric epilators all the way!

  26. AlmostBoughtIt Says:

    They seriously built like 10 fake “review” websites that have their ads all over it and no real customers on it. This is the first one with people talking about it, thanks for the reviews glad I didnt waste money on it lol

  27. jasmyn Says:

    I litrally bought one this afternoon and now i find this site!! i opened the package but think i may be able to get it back to original hopefully i can refund, so angry right now !!

  28. Barry Morse Says:

    RUN AWAY! Reps lie. Bonus $100 is crap. Product is garbage. Use is a waste of time. A total scam. RUN AWAY!!!

  29. Emily Says:

    what version are you talking about?.. there are two versions now. apparenty the newest model has been upgraded and works better. also in the commercial i didn’t see no Kassie DePaiva. is this the older version of no no you are talking about?

  30. Wendy Says:

    Thank you, thank you, oh website gods for directing me here before
    I actually plunked down my hard earned cash to get rid of my senior
    chin hairs! Back to tweezing for me – it’s safe, cheap and, hubby’s razor does the trick for my moustache anyway…

  31. Susan Says:

    Absolute waste of money! I have used the nono every second day for 4 months on my facial hair. All it does is singe the hair off at the base and the next day your sporting a stubble. I continued to use understanding this would be a long term project but in 4 months I have seen NO reduction in hair growth. This company has made a fortuine out of people genuinely trying to find a solution to their embarrassing problem. RIP OFF!

  32. Nics Says:

    thank you everyone for your comments. i’m from the small country trinidad and i am currently saving money to get this nono since i watched the ad, really convincing. i said to myself FINALLY!! a way to remove genital hairs without shaving! yey i want one lol!! But really its crap? i hate how shaving darkens the skin :( … idont know anything that would help that until i saw nono…but looks like i’m back to square one :(

  33. Deborah Says:

    I first saw this product on TV and thought wow this is great, orded it, received it, used it about teo weeks with no good results then it broke where the rollers would not work. Sent it back to be fixed waited a month a a half , got it back used it a few times again still not working. Orded the face adn leg size cartridges thinking maybe it was the problem, received them still no good. WOULD NOT RECOMMED THIS PRODUCT.

  34. Jassica Says:

    I am so glad I found this site. All otherrs seem to promote the product. I did buy the product and tried it. It is does not roll smoothly so have to goover the same area multiple times which ends up burning the skin. The roller is very awkward on the uppler lip and chin. Again have to try multiple times to get all the hair. Simply cannot get close enough to the nose to get all the hair on the upper lip. I have had red blotches on my upper lip and chin from going over it multiple times. The buffing, sanding process is time consuming. I will be returning it within the 60 days.
    BTW I have tried laser. it is not as painful as it is made out to be although it does take several treatments. Being a senior, I have some white hair that the laser does not work on.

  35. Dianne Says:

    I almost ordered the no no but when I read the fine print I decided to do research first and I am so glad I did. I found a bunch of “reviews” on the nono and they had links to the no no website which made me suspicious. So I decided to go to all the review websites until I found one that had no links to the no no website and I found this one. Thank you for having this honest review site. You saved me money and hassle.

  36. john Says:

    thanks 4 comments was going to buy wont now

  37. Vinny Says:

    Hey thanks everyone for the comments! Was about to buy this but luckily saw all these negative comments so saved myself some money! Maybe someone should report these people to the cops or something for scamming money off people!

  38. meriem Says:

    I ordered the no-no using the 60 days free-trial, tried it for almost a month and was very disappointed but the results. Although I kept reading reviews on different websites ( I am guessing now, fake reviews by no-no employees) saying that one should be patient and use it regularly for 2 months at least before seeing the promised results, I decided to return it before the 60 days are up. they did charge me the $89 plus 15 S&H, and I made the call for return right before they were supposed to charge me the second $90 ( they charge you every 30 days, even if you are still in “trial”) . Of course they tried to convince me to keep it, I was so disappointed with it that they did not succeed ( and I am a very influence-able marketing victim usually). I was able to get my money back ( less the S&H)after having to pay another $9 in order to ship it to them.
    My advice to readers:
    1- If you have not yet purchased this, you are then very lucky you came across this website with real reviews. save yourself time and money and think about other alternatives…no miracles happening with this pricey product, trust me.
    2- If you have already purchased, hopefully using the 60 days trial, then return it before it is too late. Unless you are really satisfied with it…then do not listen to my advice. I am more concerned about customers, like me, for whom this product did not deliver as promised. When you call to make the return, be as determined and as strong as you can be, do not let them trick you into keeping it longer, because once the trial period is over, my understanding from reading the reviews on this page is that it is quite impossible to get you money back!

    Good luck to all!

  39. lucky londoner female Says:

    I was just about to get out the door to spend the money I got from my birthday on a nono!, when I realized I had not checked if it could cause any damage on sensitive skin (which unforunately I have)…
    This site made me feel lucky and stupid at the same time: lucky to have found true reviews, and stupid to have believed the fake ones all along, alltogether with the ads on TV!!
    I still can’t believe this gadget is sold at one of London’s most expensive and prestigious stores on Oxford St.: Selfridges. Another reason why I became a nono! believer.
    I can only THANK YOU all for your honest opinions, I’d rather spend the money on some laser sessions then!! So grateful!!

  40. kia Says:

    I’m trying to return the no no, but they said you have to send it by yourself.. what??? How can I do that ? They didn’t give me any information.. That stupid guy just said “Don’t worry” :|
    anyone here can help me??

  41. Phyllis Stewart Says:

    Purchased nono plus yesterday at my local boots only to find a burning smell and smoke emitting from unit. I returned it today in exchange for another one only to find same fault. I tried the nono on my chin and after endless time spent operating I was left with stubble. I wish I had found these comments sooner, don’t know if I will get a refund. Would not recommend the nono scam to anyone.
    Phyl Dublin Ireland

  42. mary Says:

    How do I get my refund back?
    All there emails dont seem to work. Its a useless product. Someone did say to call your credit card company and they will intevene!! Is this true?

  43. DD bikini sale Says:

    It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this brilliant blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new updates and will share this website with my Facebook group. Talk soon!

  44. Osaida Says:

    After waiting a month to get my no no (the company screwed up and it was sent back) and realizing the company is still considering my original order date as the beginning of my 60 day trial, I gave the device a try. It was useless! The company tells you to go over the area 3 or 4 times for best results; I went over the same area 20 times and still there was 25% of the hair remaining. What hair was removed looked like a 2-day stubble, even with buffing, not the smooth skin they showed on the commercials. I tried it on my husband’s chest hair as an experiment…nothing. In the commercial they show a man going once over a hairy area and having smooth skin. Not a reality, not even close. I am calling to return it right now… I hope they don’t try and make this difficult. Stay away… use an Epilady instead… more painful, better results.

  45. Rapidly Reledated Says:

    Got a nono men as a Christmas gift, and yes, I completely agree with Phyllis. This thing is like trying to remove hair with a soldering iron-too close and you burn yourself, too far away and you get stubble. It’s a complete scam.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 85 other followers

%d bloggers like this: